Chuck Wagon Calhoun - It Were in The Town Of Frog Lick

Just where in the heck is the town of Frog Lick? And is there a town named Frog Lick? A quick check of Google finds no town named Frog Lick anywhere. Not a big surprise, as Chuck Wagon's reputation as a tale spinner is well known. And by the introduction he gives to the song, you might expect a tender country ballad about a broken heart. But far from it! The tempo quickens, and we have another humorous song! 

We here at Big And Tall Records still have not discovered who Chuck Wagon Calhoun is. We're dealing with a go-between acting as his agent, and there's no info to be gained from them! So we'll look forward to the next song he sends us!

Howdy!

My name's Chuck Wagon Calhoun
I reckon ya'll might wanna hear 'bout a lost love of mine
 That still grieves my heart to think 'bout.
 
It were in the town of  Frog Lick
Where my dear sweet heart made her home
I tried to git her to go away
From her Maw and Paw she wouldn't roam
 
When a young'un I'd go courtin'
To my dear Petunia's house
We'd sit in the swing on the porch
I'd stick my hand down her blouse
 
But we had to keep an eye peeled
Fer her Maw and Paw that spied
Cuz they knowed their daughter was loose
So they always kept her in eye
 
It were in the town of  Frog Lick
Where my dear sweet heart made her home
I tried to git her to go away
From her Maw and Paw she wouldn't roam
 
Knowed she had a lot of lovers
But that never mattered to me
Figgered she knew all the tricks
And she never would charge a fee
 
So I took what I could git
At least got to feel her titties
Got caught once by hags goin' by
A nasty ol' bunch of biddies!
 
The ol' ladies raised a ruckus
Maw and Paw ran out the house
One the women said 'HEY LOOKEE!
HE GOT HIS HAND DOWN HER BLOUSE!
 
It were in the town of  Frog Lick
First time a gun were pulled on me
GIT OFF OUR PORCH, YOU LECHER!
So I ran off, their words I heed
 
But it didn't last fer long
Soon as it got really late
'Bout midnight I went to see her
We gonna leave town be my mate
 
We always met in the barn
Opened the door, was confused
Two legs up in the air
AND I RECOGNIZED THE SHOES!
 
It were in the town of  Frog Lick
Bitch couldn't even wait fer me
Some other feller's between her legs
Jest like she had done with me!
 
So I learned a lesson that night
Took off from Frog Lick next day
Never been back
But on occasion, I think 'bout Petunia
I really did love her, 'specially her titties
But then, I think 'bout all the men she' prolly had since then
All the young'uns she got
 Prolly fat and wrinkly by now
She never did smell too good neither
GODDAM, DID I dodge A BULLET! 

The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band - The Ol' Fishin' Hole (Near The Oak)

The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band is quite a mouthful of a name for a band, but that's the way the two bands decided to list themselves when they joined forces late last year. Both bands played traditional and original songs at their gigs, but the leaders of both bands wanted to do more original songs. It takes time writing songs, what with lyrics, music, trying them out, rehearsals and all. So to join forces made sense for both of them in that sense, as well as both groups expanding their instrum-entation and sound palette. 

The Burgoo Boys are primarily a Bluegrass band, and Uncle June's as the name says, a Jug Music band. both genres aren't that far apart music-wise, as there's considerable overlap. But the ideas are flowing, and their recordings are gathering momentum. 

John Henry Flort is the leader/soloist/songwriter for The Burgoo Boys, and  Uncle June McShary is the same for The Jug Band, and on this recording they both take turns singing until the end when the whole gang joins in.  The song tells of the favorite fishin' hole of the men. In the part of Kentucky where it's at (like good fishermen, they don't reveal the location of their favorite hole!) the water stays open most of the time in the winter, but with no leaves on the oak tree near the hole, it isn't the same. They give a good visual for us Northerners of a warm Kentucky day, lazily fishin' under the shade of that oak tree with a sack of sandwiches and a jug to wet yer whistle!

The ol' fishin' hole near the oak
That spreads out givin' ya shade
On a warm Kentucky day
Toss out yer bait, ya got it made!
 
Many a day I spent fishin'
Underneath that big, tall oak tree
With a bag of sandwiches
And a jug that's jest fer me
 
Times them fish 'bout jumped on the bank
Other times they jest disappeared
Whether ya'll caught somethin' or no
Yer disposition will be cheered
 
The ol' fishin' hole near the oak
That spreads out givin' ya shade
On a warm Kentucky day
Toss out yer bait, ya got it made!
 
Now up north, ya'll fish through the ice
Gets colder than hell up there
But not here in Kentucky
Can go fishin' most anywhere
 
The ol' fishin' hole ain't the same
Oak done shed leaves I do believe
You can’t have one without t'other
Fishin' hole ain't the same with no leaf!
 
The ol' fishin' hole near the oak
Summertime givin' ya shade
Wait for a warm Kentucky day
Toss out yer bait, ya'll have it made!
 
So many that go fishin' there
To prevent squabbles and rifts
Us fellers have a lottery
And we abide fishin' in shifts!
 
Now they's a big ol' blue cat
Likes to hang out in the slew
Got bets who's a gonna catch him
And land that fish we call Big Blue!
 
I almost caught him couple times
He likes meanderin' to the ol' fishin' hole
Water's deep and cool in the summer
He don't never sleep, and I gots the night shift!
So I got the stinkin'est, rottennest, most disgustin' cat fish bait
Ya ever locked yer nose on! I'm a gonna git Big Blue by hook or crook!
 
The ol' fishin' hole near the oak
That spreads out givin' ya shade
On a warm Kentucky day
Toss out yer bait, ya got it made!

Betty Miranga - It Didn't Mean Nothin'

We've read that country bars and taverns sell more beer per occupant than regular bars, and this is attributed to the country music played in these taverns, especially if there's a live band playing. Most folks like a good story, and country music can be sad, hence the mood of the drinkers in the tavern buying more alcohol. We don't know if all of that's really true about selling more beer, but we do agree that a great deal of country music deals with telling a story.  Betty Miranga is one of those storytellers.

The few songs she's recorded for Big And Tall Records have been mostly story songs; personal stories. This latest gives some of the insight she's learned from life that deals with a cheating lover. Her high pitched voice sends the message in a way only she can. 

If you ever have a partner
Cheat on ya say this to you
It didn't mean nothin'
Walk away and say yer all through
 
One time I had a sweetheart
Who I caught two-timin' on me
Figured I'd try to work it out
He really meant a lot to me
 
Then he said it was no big deal
Nothin' serious or true
It didn't mean nothin'
He tol' me I love only you
 
That changed ever thing right there
Really? Didn’t 't mean nothin'?
Then why was I tied up in knots?
Dang, for me it was shore somethin'!
 
If you ever have a partner
Cheat on ya say this to you
It didn't mean nothin'
Walk away, and say yer all through
 
He kept right on a talkin'
Diggin' himself ever deeper
Said he didn't love her at all
Don't never believe a cheater!
 
Wanted to put it in the past
That it'd never happen again
But if I’d a believed all that
My chance to be happy was slim
 
He tried to play me for a fool
Younger days it might a worked
But I learned a lot through the years
Know when my chains bein' jerked
So...
 
If you ever have a partner
Cheat on ya say this to you
It didn't mean nothin'
Walk away, and say yer all through

Chuck Wagon Calhoun - The Ballad of Dead Eye Calhoun

Chuck Wagon Calhoun sings his latest song about Dead-Eye Calhoun, a gunslingin' ,cross-eyed, woman shootin', not too bright ancestor.  We're still not sure who in hell this Chuck Wagon is, but we like his songs, written with his tongue firmly in cheek! 

 Howdy
My name's Chuck Wagon Calhoun
Thought ya'll might like to hear the tale of
my ancestor, the gunslinger Dead Eye Calhoun!

A man that lived long ago
A gunslinger in the old west
His fame he come by honestly
But he twernt better than the rest

Wanted to be a gunslinger
Ever since he were a kid
But his eyes crossed afore his nose
Glasses down his face they slid

Deadeye Calhoun, a real killer
Yer chance of dyin' were mighty
If ya stood smack dab behind him
You would meet the almighty

He done put notches on his gun
Fer ever one he done kilt
But they twern’t all men, no indeed
In shootin' gals he were skilled

The safest place to stand
When he drawed on men he despised
Was right in front the dumb ass
Cuz of his googlin' eyes!

Deadeye Calhoun, a real killer
Yer chance of dyin' were mighty
If ya stood smack dab behind him
You would meet the almighty

Deadeye made his rounds of the towns
Of fame in the old, old west
Dodge City and Laredo, 
Tombstone, El Paso, and the rest

Was in the town of Wichita
When drunk, and full of cruel hate 
He drew down on a rival
And Deadeye met his fate

He got a bead on the cuss
He drawed first and pulled the trigger
He missed who he wanted to kill
Caused the crowd watchin' to snigger

The bullet left the pistol
Careened off towards a water pump
Ricocheted  off the metal
Come back and hit him in his rump

It went through both his ass cheeks
Hoot and hollered out his head
Took off runnin' down the street
As the wounds gushin' they bled

He kept on shootin' his guns
'Til he run out of ammo
Fell down in the dusty street
As the blood continued to flow

He bled out right then and there
To die like that might not seem fair
Fer an old west gunslinger
But ain't nobody seemed to care...

Deadeye Calhoun, a real killer
Yer chance of dyin' were mighty
If ya stood smack dab behind him
You could meet the almighty

So there's the story of Deadeye Calhoun My Ancestor
Best I can figger; he was my  Grampaw 4 times over
My other relations ain't talkin' to me no more since I tol' the story.
and I know why...
Cuz Deadeye was not only a cruel bastard,
He was a no account murderous boil on the ass
of society that deserved to die in the dirty, cow shit covered streets 
of Wichita cuz he was a heartless sum bitch and...a real dumb shit!

The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band - Kentucky Shine

The Burgoo Boys and Uncle June's Jug Band are at it again; this  time in a song that mentions many of the things Kentucky is known for, with the main item being Kentucky Shine, or moonshine. Uncle June himself is the soloist in his unique voice.  The Boys like the variety of instruments and players Uncle June has access to, and they plan to collaborate much more in the future. 

The term moonshine was given to illegal corn whiskey that was many times made at night to try and avoid detection. There are many legal distillers of moonshine, but there is still a small group that do it on the sly illegally to avoid the costs of licenses and the expense of a distillery that is subject to state inspection and regulation. Despite some states having laws that permit a limited amount of moonshine made for personal use, there remains a federal law against it. 

Uncle June

Making moonshine can be dangerous on different levels. Straight alcohol creates vapor which is highlyflammable, especially in an enclosed space and can explode, so adequate ventilation is needed. Even static electricity can ignite the vapors. Then there's toxic substances that can contaminate the alcohol. Lead can come from using the wrong items to make a still, for example. Then there's the liquid that comes directly after the initial product of the still, called the Head. It contains traces of toxic materials such as acetone and formaldehyde and should never be consumed. The byproducts of fermentation that are contained in the aftershot, or very last liquid from the still are also toxic and should not be consumed. Seems to us that there's more danger in the stuff than it's worth! After all, like Uncle June says: But if ya'll can't handle the stuff, we all wanna reassure, use it fer cleanin' car engines, makes a damn good degreaser! But make sure you do it in a well ventilated area and don't smoke! 

Taint got no fancy bottle 
Or frilly label neither
Don't drink too much or it might
Knock you out like a snort of ether

The Great State of Kentucky  
Is known for many things
Bluegrass music keeps the state
Smilin' happy as it sings

Got horses a plenty too
And the famous Derby race 
Louisville slugger baseball bats
Help the batters keep a pace

Kentucky Fried Chicken as well 
That's known around the world 
And the finest bourbon whiskey
In glasses of ice that's swirled

And don't forget the classic dish
We'll mention special stew
A really long cooked tasty bowl
Of home cooked thick Burgoo 

But there’s still one thing that's left
We wanna mention 'fore we're through
Pistol packin', wallopin'
Gullet burnin' mountain dew!

Taint got no fancy bottle 
Or frilly label neither
Don't drink too much or it might
Knock you out like a snort of ether

Home brewed in them thar hills
By bootleggers young and old
Tradition has fruit jars filled
With clear alcoholic gold

A quart'll last ya a while
But damn, take it nice and slow
A little bit'll make ya smile
But too much'll make ya crow!

Proof numbers in triple digits
Don't git it near no open flame!
Treat it right or ya'll be sorry 
Gits away it'll be hard to tame!

Taint got no fancy bottle 
Or frilly label neither
Don't drink too much or it might
Knock you out like a snort of ether

First time drinkers will think it's like
Suckin' on a fire burnin' match 
It'll scorch yer mouth, torch yer craw
In heat that'll be hard to match

But if ya'll can't handle the stuff
We all wanna reassure
Use it fer cleanin' car engines
Makes a damn good degreaser

Taint got no fancy bottle 
Or frilly label neither
Don't drink too much or it might
Knock you out like a snort of ether

Chuck Wagon Calhoun - Ol' Tom

 A new artist here at Big And Tall Records! Chuck Wagon Calhoun! Yee haw! Now the story so far about Chuck Wagon is that he used to work as a chuck wagon cook in a re-enactment group in a cattle roundup. It was like a dude ranch as professionals would take amateurs out on the range rounding up cattle, and the experience included chuck wagon cuisine. Evidently the dude ranch/roundup enterprise went under after a few attempts. Since then Chuck Wagon Calhoun has been making the rounds of local county fares playing the role and cooking genuine chuck wagon grub. 

A group of musicians got together with Chuck and organized a band that would add music to the act, and they've been playing country venues ever since and have gained some local popularity. One of our associates caught their act, and passed this is along to us, and it hit a quirky, funny note for us. Kind of like a risque Spike Jones!

Howdy

My name’s Chuck wagon Calhoun I'm the last of my kind Ah got a story to tell ya’ll So unplug yer ears, if yer so kind... There's still cattle roundups goin' on Even in this here day and age Kind of old timey, I’ll grant ye From an ol’ history page Them ‘pokes what steal ride the range Gotta have all of them’s vittles So that’s where I enter the scene But I ain’t no lickspittle! ‘Round the far after supper The ‘pokes play their guitars they brang Raise their butt cheeks and then fart In tam with the music they sang Got a mule pulls the wagon He’s ol’, and feisty, and crusty The wagon’s older than hell too With wheel axles all rusty So it ain’t easy fer ol' Tom To keep up with the herd And it makes me all kind of anxious Makes me say a harsh word ‘Round the far after supper The ‘pokes play their guitars they brang Raise their butt cheeks and then fart In tam with the music they sang Well, ol’ Tom got a wild hair Was pullin' the wagon too fast No matter how hard I reined him To the next night stop he past He got that there rusty ol’ wagon Movin’ at a right rapid pace Wheels hit a gopher hole hard Throwed me all out on my face

Now them pokes ain’t had no supper Sangin’ songs ‘bout stringin’ me up Cain’t find that goddam mule nowhere And they’s got empty guts and cups! Mercy me! Where in hell's that Tom! Goddammit! All them cowboys grumbling' Cuz of their empty belly Made my knees shiver and quake Was nervous as hell, oh nelly! But jest 'bout to give it up Lookin' fer that goddam mule He come lopin' 'round the bend Started brayin' like a fool! Wagon still hooked on him Nothin' tall got spilt! So it twern't long time at all before... ‘Round the far after supper The ‘pokes played their guitars they brang Raised their butt cheeks and then farted In tam with the music they sang What in hell ya dew that fer, Tom? You long-eared, dumb ass galoot! That's the third time you done it! What’s' a matter, you bored Oughta beat ya'll in yer thick hayed With a 2 by 4, iff'n I had one! Goddam lolligaggin' consarned dadburned sum da bitch worthless poor excuse fer a fuckin' mule! 

 

Tugboat Jackson - 1984

 Tugboat Jackson, one of our most prolific artists here at Big And Tall Records has been absent for awhile, so it was with pleasure we saw this sound file in our email. The song 1984 compares the book by George Orwell, published in 1949, about  the dangers of big government and 'Big Brother' to modern times and the prolific lying that is going on.

Orwell's book was prophetic, as it took what was the current political turmoil of  the world at  the time, mainly Communism as practiced by the former Soviet Union and fast-forwarded what could happen to a society when state sponsored terror, control of history, and the cultural narrative could do. This warning applies equally to  the extreme political right and political left, as totalitarianism is itself a form of government that is evil in its own right. With totalitarianism comes the control of everything, usually to the deification of the wealthy that kowtow to the powers that be, and leads to blatant corruption and inequality to those who disobey in the slightest. Our business is music, not politics, so we defer any curiosity that Tugboat has stirred in the listener to the encouragement to read Orwell's book that is widely available in bookstores, online, and libraries, and see for yourself if there is or is not parallels in contemporary society and governments. 

In the past, Tugboat has been not only vocal in his lyrics but in words he had written for us. For whatever reason(s), he he declined further comment on any of his songs or opinions. He only tells us what he has to say he says in his songs. An honest enough response for an artist in any case. 

Ya think you’ve heard it all Then when ya git outta bed Lies float out over the airwaves Try to burrow in yo head Spewed out hard like the dry heaves Everything skewed all around Tryin' to make one take root The liar works on iffy ground Like a waterfall of nonsense Like the book written long ago George Orwell predicted it In his book nineteen eighty fo The bigger and fatter the lie The more outlandish and bold More that people will believe it The dirty lie that is told Repeat it loud and often Beat it hard into their ear Compassion is for the weak The only way is through fear Like a waterfall of nonsense Like the book written long ago George Orwell predicted it In his book nineteen eighty fo And the people are helpless So they have been led to believe Been lied to until they’re senseless Hardly any hope of reprieve The shadows will follow you Will tolerate no defiance It's almost too late for it For a rule of law reliance People united cannot fail Despite all the ones with riches Take back our country fight them all These lyin' sons of bitches!