Hambone Riley - My Willie Won't Go Down!

Hambone Riley's experiences trying to cope with his slowing sexual abilities due to age is told in his song My Willie Won't Go Down! It happens to many men, and not just with advanced age. There's all kinds of treatments for ED now, with the medication Viagra being a popular treatment. But it does have drawbacks, the main one being what Hambone narrates; priapism, an extended erection. First thoughts by a lot of men is that it sounds like a lot of fun! But the truth of the matter is that extended erections can be very painful, and lead to deforming of the penis. Viagra can cause this in some cases, unfortunately Hambone was one of them. First round of treatments can be cold packs and pseudoephedrine taken. If this doesn't work, hospital care is needed with a nerve block tried. Other drugs can also be tried, but if no results happen then aspiration with a needle of the blood trapped in the penis is done, the treatment Hambone evidently had to succumb to. (OUCH!) The last resort is surgery where a shunt may be put in. Four hours is the maximum time to let it go if it happens. After that the longer time that is waited, the more risk of permanent damage. It can even lead to gangrene  (yikes!) of the penis,  and in that case it's goodbye Little Willie (as Hambone calls his member).

Like many things that happen in life, while they happen it's not funny. After the event can be a different matter. Hambone told us on the phone his whole story, pretty much as he relates it in his song, and his tale was punctuated by many breaks as he laughed about it all. But he also emphasized how much it HURT! 

I made a trip to the doctor
For a reason I won't disguise
Got a whole lotta trouble
Gettin' Li'l Willie to rise

Doc went all over my health chart
Looking for all of my ills
He said I'm a good candidate
For the little blue Viagra pills

Oh, gimme the prescription, Doc!

I'll go fill it right away!
Try this wonder medicine out
At the end of today!

Me and my baby went to bed
I tol' her all about the pill
She smiled, told me to go take it
And see if it fills the bill!

Took it a while to kick in
We was lovin' away, kissin'
Then she reached down grabbed a handfull
Of what she tol' me she been missin'!

Hot damn! Like a young man again!
It ain't been that pumped up in years!
We kept on humpin' and bumpin'
Tryin' to make it a new career!

We finally collapsed on the bed
We was both totally wore out!
Didn't get no funny feelin'
My Willie was still big and stout!

Goddam! My Willie won't go down!
What in the hell's goin' on?
Cain't fuck no mo, my back is so
I'm tired, breathless and drawn!

I followed what Doc done tol' me
If this kind a thing should happen
Took some other pills, iced it down
Started to hurt, got misshapen

After 4 hours, really in pain
Willie 's head like a big mushroom
Wife tol' me get my clothes on
Goin' to the 'Mergency room.

My pants crotch stuck out like a tent
I was so goddamed embarrassed
Nurse came in to assess my case
Tol' me to strip and get bare assed

Don't wanna know what they did!
Trust me, a hard dick ain't worth it!
Li'l Willie's still achin' and so
'Scription wish I wouldn't have filled it!

No! Not that! Not that big needle!
What in hell are ya doin' with it?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Goddam! My Willie won't go down!
What in the hell's goin' on?
Cain't fuck no mo, my back is so
I'm tired, breathless and drawn! 

The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band - The Hillbilly Beast Of Kentuck

Must be a trend for songs about legends. We at Big And Tall Records just released a song by Chuck Wagon Calhoun about The Phantom Train No. 5, and now the Burgoo Boys and Uncle June's Boys send along a song about The Hillbilly Beast of Kentuck! As legends go, there can be a particle of truth in them, and in the case of Chuck Wagon, it'd be more like a molecule! While there are legends floating around about phantom or ghost trains, the details he relates in his song are not reliable. Let's just say he's a known spinner of tall tales strictly out of his imagination.  The Burgoo Boys featuring Uncle June's Jug Band is more of an unknown example. Of course they are more than capable of telling a 'whopper', but we did Googlefy their legend, and there is some info about it found here. The song is somewhat tongue in cheek, with the band playing the appropriate low sounds with a tuba and trombone, with Uncle June's distinctive voice telling the tale!

Daniel Boone

The beast has also been called the Bigfoot of Kentucky, and is comparable in many ways. Many folk lores from different cultures and countries have their own folklore of a giant creature that lives in the forest. The Hillbilly Beast traces its origin (as much as it can be traced) back to pre-colonial times with Native American tribes. These myths were passed down to colonists, and were influenced by their own cultures.  Daniel Boone, the early settler, explorer and statesman in Kentucky (who is a legendary figure himself) allegedly shot one to death when it charged his camp. The creature was immediately (and conveniently) buried so as not to cause alarm and fear with others in the camp. This story spread and was retold, and as humans like to one-up each other when telling a story, grew to mythical proportions. 

In the Eastern part of Kentuck
The foothills of Appalachia
Lives a horror in the forest
Out in the boondocks of nature
 
Some say it is just a myth
A legend of the hill folk
 I ain't seen one, oh no never
For some the myth ain't no joke!
 
The Hillbilly Beast of Kentuck!
Horrible stink with yeller eye
Hoots and growls in the forest
All hairy and ten foot high
 
It weighs over 800 pound
Daniel Boone himself kilt one!
It's a horror passed down the line
From Grampaw, to father, to son!
 
Uses its hairy fist to bang on trees
Can smell it a mile away!
 I ain't seen one, oh no never
Thems seen it, won't go away
 
The Hillbilly Beast of Kentuck!
Horrible stink with yeller eye
Hoots and growls in the forest
All hairy and ten foot high
 
Ya'll can believe that if ya want
But for me that just can't be
Go sit at night in the forest
No tellin' what yer gonna see
 
Could be a local hill folk
Dressed in a hairy suit to fit
Or maybe an ol' black bear
Fixin' to take a big shit!
 
But it makes for a good yarn
'Round a campfire fur the young'uns
To pass on all the folklore
To yer daughters and yer sons...
 
The Hillbilly Beast of Kentuck!
Horrible stink with yeller eye
Hoots and growls in the forest
All hairy and ten foot high
 
Whether ya'll call it the Hillbilly Beast,
Sasquatch, Yeti, Abominable Snowman,
Or Bigfoot, every culture's got a tale that
 amounts to the same thing...
A figmentation of the imagination!
 
The Hillbilly Beast of Kentuck!
Horrible stink with yeller eye
Hoots and growls in the forest
All hairy and ten foot high 

Un Grupo de Mexicali - Primer Vals con Papá

The fiesta de quinceañera is a celebration in Latin American countries on the 15th birthday of a female child. It is a passage of her life from childhood to womanhood, and like many Latin American traditions has its roots in the Catholic Church as well as ancient rites of passage of the indigenous people in the area. There also the influence of the Spanish court from the era when Spain held many of the Latin American and South American countries. As the Spanish court held lavish balls, so did the tradition follow that the honoree 15 year olds would wear formal gowns. It is similar to the debutante balls that were popular in the 18th century in Europe and mainly England. Debutante balls still occur in England, and in the U.S. especially the South. 

In earlier times, it signaled the rite of girls to act and dress like a woman. The celebrations were used as an opportunity for girls to meet men as they were considered of marrying age. Modern times have changed the celebration from that, as 15 no longer is considered of marrying age in most areas.

The fiesta de quinceañera is especially prevalent in Mexico and in the U.S. that have hispanic populations. They can be quite lavish, with the young woman dressed in a long formal gown and adorned with lots of jewelry and makeup. The festivities usually begin in the church with a mass of thanksgiving, and followed by a reception where all the guests are seated and the quinceañera makes a grand entrance. A toast is made by the parents or godparents, then the girl is introduced by her father. The first dance, usually a waltz, is danced by the father and the girl. Traditionally girls under 15 were not allowed to dance, so this also symbolizes her coming of age, and in some festivals the dance after the first waltz is quite elaborate and choreographed.

Un Grupo de Mexicali was hired to play and commissioned to compose an original waltz for the first dance for a family in Mexicali, Mexico. They joined forces with an orchestra, and sent a recording to us in a version that includes verses in English for their non-Spanish speaking fans in the U.S.!

Primer vals con papá vida mía

Giro lento no quiero soltar

Se me escapa una lágrima tibia

Mientras creces al compás

Hoy el tiempo se inclina a tus pasos

Y yo vuelvo contigo a empezar

Primer vals con papá luz del alma

Nunca voy a dejarte de amar

First waltz with Papa my darling

A slow turn I don't want to let go

A warm tear escapes me

As to the rhythm you grow

Today time bows to your steps

And I begin again with you

First waltz with Papa light of my soul

I will never stop loving you

 

Hoy te miro y ya no eres niña

Lazo rosa brillo en tu mirar

Tus tacones tiemblan un poquito

Y mi mano te viene a guiar

 

Tu vestido se abre como un sueño

Ríes suave me quieres probar

"¿Bailas conmigo?" me dices traviesa

Y mi mundo se vuelve tu altar

 

Today I look at you, no longer a child

Pink ribbon and a sparkle about you

Your heels tremble just a little

And my hand comes to guide you

 

Your dress flows like a dream

You laugh softly you want to test me

"Will you dance with me?"you ask mischievously

And my world becomes just you and me

 

Primer vals con papá vida mía

Giro lento no quiero soltar

Se me escapa una lágrima tibia

Mientras creces al compás

Hoy el tiempo se inclina a tus pasos

Y yo vuelvo contigo a empezar

Primer vals con papá luz del alma

Nunca voy a dejarte de amar

 

First waltz with Papa my darling

A slow turn I don't want to let go

A warm tear escapes me

As to the rhythm you grow

Today time bows to your steps

And I begin again with you

First waltz with Papa light of my soul

I will never stop loving you

 

Si algún día te duele la vida

Búscame en este viejo cantar

En tu quince yo juro en silencio

Siempre ser tu lugar

 

If life ever hurts you someday

Look for me in this old song

On your fifteenth birthday, I silently swear

Always be  for you and stay strong

 

Primer vals con papá vida mía

Giro lento no quiero soltar

Se me escapa una lágrima tibia

Mientras creces al compás

Hoy el tiempo se inclina a tus pasos

Y yo vuelvo contigo a empezar

Primer vals con papá luz del alma

Nunca voy a dejarte de amar

 

Chuck Wagon Calhoun - The Phantom Train Number 5

Chuck Wagon Calhoun's latest song is his telling of a tale about a train that is doomed to repeat an historical wreck that took the lives of all its passengers, who are all trapped souls on the train. They suffer through their fate every night because of the sabotaging of the train by a jealous lover. The legend goes that the engineer of the train was carrying on an affair with the lady friend of one of the railroad porters, so to get revenge the porter made a break in one of the rails on a bend where the train was right on the edge of a steep drop off. When the engine hit the break, it derailed, plummeting it and all the passenger and freight cars over the side and down the deep ravine. The engineer was thrown out of the train and suffered serious injury, but ironically survived. All the passengers were killed when the freight cars that hauled pig iron on the train fell on them at the bottom of the ravine and crushed them to death.  At least this is the story told to us by Calhoun's agent. 

Chuck Wagon of course picks and chooses the details he used in the song, and more than likely made the whole dang thing up. He's a spinner of tall tales, entertaining though they are. Our only complaint is that he takes a more or less serious tone with the song until the very last comment on the recording, and it kinds of spoils the effect.

Howdy
My name's Chuck  Wagon Calhoun
I'm fixin' to tell ya'll a story 'bout a section of
Rail track out in the ol' west that to this day
be haunted by... the ol' steamer,
The Phantom Train Number 5!
YeeHaw Ya'll!
 
The Phantom Train Number 5
They say still makes the mountain run
Ain't no rhyme nor reason to it
It's cargo be souls every one!
 
Used to be a popular train
Afore all of it went away
Run from Newton to Mason
Way back in them oldern days
 
Hauled all sorts of goods from town to town
Had some passenger cars as well
But one day when the whistle blowed
Round the bend o'er the side it fell
 
The Phantom Train Number 5
Made the same run years and years
Never had trouble, not even one
'Til two trainmen caused the tears
 
Nobody figgered it out
Why it lurched and jumped the rail
Been the most dependable then
Until the day of its fail
 
But rumor said the engineer
Makin' time with the porter's frail
So's he jiggered the rails all up
So the train 'round the bend would fail
 
The Phantom Train Number 5
Done in by a jealous lover

Caused a bad predicament
Made human souls ghosts that suffer
 
Ran the line a few years after
Even went to them diesel trains
But 'twern't long they shut 'er down
Quit makin' monetary gains
 
Like a mist in the dark of night
The steamer pulls cars along
Full of the souls that died that day
As they moan and groan their sad song
 
The Phantom Train Number 5
Carries us dead on hellish ride
We have to do all over again
Each night oe'r the edge we slide!
 
Now that's a hell of a thing, ain't it?
Twern't them folks fault that engineer were
Playin' round with somebody else's gal!
Nope! Not fair to make them folks pay!
Oh, hell, 'tis all bullshit anyway!

Un Grupo de Mexicali - El Burro Sabio (The Wise Burro)

 In the early 1500's, Spanish conquistadors, missionaries, and explorers brought burros to Mexico (called New Spain at the time) from the deserts of North Africa as well as the Arabian Peninsula. They are descendant from the African wild ass and were first domesticated in North Africa and The Middle East. The animals proved to be of valuable use in Mexico as pack animals used in mining and hauling goods over rough terrain and mountains. Although the animal has been largely replaced by modern mechanization, small landowners and farmers still rely on it.  Agave growers, the crop used  to make the liquor tequila, utilize burros in their fields. Producers say they do less damage than machines to the rows of agave plants. Coffee growers in hard  to reach areas use burros as they can navigate the rough terrain better than trucks.

The burrow remains a deeply embedded icon of Mexican culture. It has come to represent hard work, humility, strength, and the rural life, although it also has a reputation among some as being stubborn and stupid. But that is not really the case. They are intelligent, and what is mistaken for stubbornness can be a sign of their intelligence when they refuse to do something because they may perceive a danger, or recognize that they are overheated and tired and need to rest. 

In this song by Un Grupo de Mexicali,  the man who owns the burro is outwitted by the burro, and the burro freely admits that he is the one in charge, not the owner! The song's verses are first sung in Spanish, then English translation. The group sent us the sound file for publication, as they still refuse to enter the United States, despite having all the current paperwork and visas up to date. They are very suspicious of the current U.S government's position on immigration and foreign visitors. 

Mi patrón un hombre terco
Siempre quiere mandar
Yo un burrito listo
Sé cómo lo puedo engañar
 
Él me jala la rienda
Piensa que soy lento
Pero mi cerebro piensa
Más allá del momento
 
Ay ay ay mi burrito
Qué astuto animal
Ay ay ay mi burrito
Siempre salgo triunfal
 
My master, a stubborn man
Tries to be in command
I'm a clever little burro
I can out trick any man
 
He pulls on the reins
He thinks I'm slow
But my brain thinks
Past the moment though
 
Oh oh oh a little burro
A cunning animal am I
Oh oh oh a little burro
I win and I don't even try
 
Me carga con sacos pesados
La montaña escalar
Yo me hago el cansado
Lo hago sudar
 
Un día me puse a pensar
Qué tonto mi patrón
Lo dejo siempre ganar
Pero la victoria es mi don
 
Ay ay ay mi burrito
Qué astuto animal
Ay ay ay mi burrito
Siempre salgo triunfal
 
 
He loads me with heavy sacks
To climb the mountain
I pretend to be tired
So his shirt with sweat is stained
 
One day I started to think
How foolish my master is
He thinks he always wins
But victory is not his!
 
Oh oh oh a little burro
A cunning animal am I
Oh oh oh a little burro
I win and I don't even try

Betty Miranga - Lonely Train Whistles

Betty Miranga seems to be haunted by her memories, especially many of them that are connected with the sound of trains. Her father worked as as engineer, and passed away on the job. Her mother never remarried and lived in the family house until she died a few years ago. Betty has lived in the house alone since her mother passed on, and all of her family has moved away. She has two sons by a previous marriage, and both of them work on the railroad, so the connection continues with the younger generation. 

She came to our studio to record this song, and we had a chance to talk to her. As her song says, she's got the family home she's lived in most of her life for sale, and as soon as it's sold she's moving. To just where, she's not sure yet. She's staying in our area for a while, maybe going to record another song or two, and she says she likes it here. Not too many of our artists record in our studio. Most of them have recording studios in their locations, and they send us sound files of their music. It would be great if she decided to stay. We can always find things for her to do in the studio, as she's a fine guitarist as well as singer/songwriter.  And as she's already noticed, there are no train routes close by!  

It was time to pack up move on
No matter how long I've lived here
Too much heartache and memory
Adding to my sadness I fear
 
When the wind blows from the south
Sounds of the trains invade my head
Remindin' me of those are gone
Whether they are alive or dead
 
My Momma used to live here
Long after my Daddy was gone
My brother and sisters too
But now all of them have flown
 
When the wind blows from the south
Rustlin'  memories below
My heart aches with the sound
The lonely train whistles blow
 
Sure 'twern't easy not at all
Put on market my childhood home
But I just can't stay here no more
It's past time for me to roam
 
When the wind blows from the south
The sounds come in my window
As I lay at night in my bed
And all my tears start to flow

Gummer Beaudine - I Believe In Me, And Let Be!

 Gummer Beaudine returns with a song in her aggressive style in the song I Believe In Me, And Let Be! We're not sure where all the aggression stems from, but far be it from us here at Big And Tall Records to be amateur psychologists. What we do know is that Gummer's had a tough life, and is proud of how she's evolved to such a tough nut. Unfortunately, being a woman in modern times still has more than its share of prejudice and injustice. We like to think that we're more enlightened, and that's not to deny that progress has been made in gender and race relations. Progress has been made, but progress needs to continue! 

Be all that as it may, Gummer has shown that she has many moods and is capable of expressing herself very well; sometimes more subtly than this song where she's pretty much in the listener's face. But we like her music, her many moods, and we know better than to mess with Ms Beaudine!

You say you just don't like me

You say I'm too goddam crude
You say I ain't worth nothin'
You say I'm nasty and rude
 
Why ya'll think that it matters
I know I ain't all refined
So if ya'll got a bone to pick
Just take your place back the line!
 
Don't matter ‘t all to me  ass hole
What ya'll might think 'bout me
What ya see is what ya get
I believe in me, and let be!
 
Last I heard you ain't my boss
So ya'll can jest kiss my ass!
I'm proud where I come from
My roots in the workin' class
 
Worked ever day for years
In a shitty factory
Makin' goddam widgets
Wages unsatisfactory
 
Don't matter ‘t all to me  ass hole
What ya'll might think 'bout me
What ya see is what ya get
I believe in me, and let be!
 
Dealt with my share of bastards
Dealt with my share of cheats
But none the f*ckers ever
Drove me to final defeat
 
Yeah, I can be a real bitch
Not always proud of the fact
Sometimes I wish I wasn't
That I had more ease and tact
 
But I could wish in one hand
And collect shit in t'other
But I know which would fill up first
So I ain't a gonna bother
 
Don't matter ‘t all to me  ass hole
What ya'll might think 'bout me
What ya see is what ya get
I believe in me, and let be!
 
Hell no it don't matter at all
Couldn't give a shit any less
Too damned old to change my ways
That I'm willin' to confess
 
Seen it! Done it! Lived through it!
Bought a f*ckin' T shirt
And I ain't goin' back...