Zbig Szafranski with The Nude Polka Kings - Czernina!

Zbig Szafranski

He's back! Zbig Szafranski has come back to theU.S. after a visit to his homeland of Poland.  We thought that he wouldn't come back by the sound of things last time we heard a song from him. He sounded and looked terrible; overweight, forgetful, gruff and nasty personality. He had been associated with our polka group, The Nude Polka Kings, and their spokesperson told us  that they thought he'd gone back to Poland to die. But after the first of the year he came back. Ends up Poland was not to his liking, too much had changed. He looked up some relatives when there, and one of them was a rich businessman in Warsaw who took a liking to him and got him into a private hospital for a checkup. After a few weeks there, and put on a diet, he came out a new man! Medication to help with  his failing heart, and a general makeover of the rest of his health issues. The spokesman told us his attitude changed as well! Not nearly as grumpy and cantankerous, looks downright healthy for a man in his late 90's! And you can hear the difference in his voice, compared to this song he first recorded for us:

 

His new song is in  tribute to his Polish Grandmother who used to make his favorite dish for him: Czernina - Duck Blood Soup! Yes, soup made from dried fruit, vinegar, onions, garlic, pepper, salt, duck broth...and duck blood! A classic, traditional peasant soup from Poland that used all of the duck 'except the beak'. For peasants all over the world, nothing could be wasted. We hear at Big And Tall Records have never heard of it, let alone tasted it, but  they say it is a sweet and sour soup that if you can forget that one ingredient, tastes very good and is still popular in Poland today.

I went to Polska,
I tell you something I ate, classic dish!
Is Czernina!  Cernina! Say it! Cernina
I going to tell how to make it
BUT YOU GOING TO EAT IT ANYWAY!
 
Take onions, cut them fine
Dice dry fruit, do what I speak
You need a kacza...A DUCK! ...
A live duck!
Don't be sissy pants, use it all but beak!
 
 Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Onion, pepper and salt use too
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki! Is good for you!
 
Hold duck over bowl...CUT HIS THROAT!...
Is tradition! Don’t get sick!
Drain blood in bowl, then pluck and gut!
Simmer dead kaczki in plenty water deep
Strip off the meat, let it steep!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Vinegar then you going to use
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki!  You don’t refuse!
 
Put vinegar in bowl with blood
Don't want  blood clot get hard
Stir it up, let it sit, go back to kaczki
Filter broth, duck cut up , use DUCK LARD!
 
Put everything together, let it simmer
Not too hot, and get pierogies ready!
What?  You don’t know pierogies?  Shame on you!
Is good Polska food, learn already!
Don’t be stupid Polack!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Ready to eat!
Duck blood! Duck blood! Tender sweet meat!
Simmered in broth, blood, but not beak
EAT IT GODDAMMIT! DON’T GET SICK!
 
Is good for you! So very tasty too!
Was cooked by my babcia (Grandma)
When I was little boy
Is good memory, this soup!
Niech Bóg błogosławi duszę mojej babci…
(May God bless my Grandmother’s soul)
 
Duck blood soup! Duck blood soup! Do what I say
Czernina! Czernina! Use it today!
Onion, fruit, pepper and salt use too
Czernina! Czernina! Is good for you! 

Forgotten Bob - The Smegma Rock

 The first song that Forgotten Bob sent us here at Big And Tall Records was The Turd In The Punchbowl, a commentary on President Trump. After various other songs, on  this his tenth recording for us he's come full circle and adds to his commentary in no uncertain terms. He pulls no punches in his criticism, and he does it to his usual rock-a-billy beat. But he goes further and criticizes the entire MAGA movement, and equates it to...well...the title of the song tells that tale! If there's one thing we know about Forgotten Bob, you never know what his next offering will be. But it's seldom boring! 

I'm wonderin', what in the  hell,
'Bout all the people still supportin' him
As long as that mindset is to tell,
Chances of improvement are mighty slim...
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
Since last year when I stated my case,
Laid out my thoughts of Donald Trump
Said he was a nasty turd in our punchbowl,
Gotten worse as he sits on his rump!
 
Murdered civilians, broken up families,
Shifted more money to his rich bastard kind
There is no end to his causing calamities,
And to top it all off, he's losing his mind
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
His followers worship his wrinkled little cock
And think that'll "affect them all but me"
So busy dancing to the smegma rock
That they really don't want to try and see!
 
Is there any hope that we will survive?
Each day it's getting worse and worse
Will there be a change to keep us alive
Or are we stuck in the gear of reverse?
 
They call themselves the name of futility,
An acronym for they're beliefs, it's MAGA
But in the way of politics, it really should be
What's under the foreskin of a dick...SMEGMA!
 
We're in a goddam war he said wouldn't happen,
His defenders don't give a shit that he lied,
It's true every time his lips start to flappin',
He could not tell the truth if he tried!
 
Ain't true that nothin' can possibly be done!
If Republicans work with Democrats to pass
Working together, fights can be won
But the Elephant has turned into a cowering ass!
 
King Donald, much more radiant than Christ
His followers pray to him and offer thanks
While everything gets so damned overpriced
And the economy continues to tank
 
Trump probably won't ever be held accountable,
 He'll die first. But every one of his opportunistic
Smegma helpers need to be held accountable for
 Their part in the endless cooperation in the corruption
 Of THE TURD IN THE PUNCHBOWL!
With a special nod to his butt boy, toy soldier
WHISKEY PETE! And let the truth contained in
The Epstein files condemn his memory as a
FUCKER OF CHILDREN...FOREVER!

The Unknown Singer - I Don't Know Epstein!

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Chuck Wagon Calhoun - In Flagrante Delicto

Chuck Wagon Calhoun seems to be making the rounds of towns (real or made up!) in the old west. Hislatest is based in Ogallala, Nebraska where he was, of all things, a barber! Ogallala is known for its past as a terminal for the Great Northern Railroad and the cattle drives from Texas to the railroad for transport to eastern stockyards. As with other cow towns, the town had its share of drinking, whoring, and general rowdiness as cowpokes who had been on the trail driving cattle relaxed when they reached their destination.

Ogallala is known for one of the largest aquifers in the world, the Ogallala Aquifer that supplies drinking water to a vast majority of inhabitants within its area, which comprises 8 states in The Great Plains. This aquifer has also been used for irrigation as well.

The title of  this song is Latin - In Flagrante Delicto - which roughly means getting caught doing an illegal and/or immoral act. Knowing Chuck Wagons' past, perhaps the term applies to many things that have happened to him! We here at Big And Tall Records can't wait to see where Chuck Wagon ends up next, and what trouble he gets into!

Howdy!
My name’s Chuck Wagon Calhoun
I got a story to tell ya ‘bout when
I  were a barber in the town of…
Ogallala  NEBRASKA!
YEE HAW, YA’LL!
 
Were down on my luck, hitched a ride to wherever
Ended up in Ogallala, couldn't find nothin’ better
Got a job in a fancy barbershop, sweepin’ up the floor
‘Twernt long, I got bored, wanted somethin’ more!
 
Learned how to cut hair from the barber that I worked
Trimmin’ hair, shavin’ chins, jumped right in didn’t shirk
Got to know all the gents in town, learned jest what they like
Earned extry money in tips which is what I shore like!
 
I even had a bag like a doctor, it were shore funny
I’d go to people’s houses to make me extry money
The men they’d relax in a dinin’ room chair
While I trimmed ‘em all up, even their nose hair!
 
 Learned how to cut hair, my boss taught me it all
Even give the young’uns a haircut while they sat and bawled
Had a standin’ order at the big shot Mayor’s house
To give him the works, with perfume give him a good douse!
 
One day I were summoned to the mayor’s place
Wasn’t the usual day but I went to save face
I were met at the door by his purty young wife
Yeah, for shore, best lookin’ woman  ever seen in my life!
 
She said, “Greetin’s and thank ye fer comin’ today
Mayor ain’t here, but I still hope that you can stay
Noticed you from afar, I need your steady hand
To trim away some hair from my promised land…”
 
She raised up her skirts and petticoats,
She weren't wearin' no under pants,
And ooh.....dang... I saw what she meant.
Ain’t never seen no hairier private parts
On a woman, and ain’t never trimmed one before!
But I got out my scissors, and started in…
 
Ya’ll can figger out what when on to transpire
The mayor’s wife was with passionate afire
I done my level best to start quenchin’ the flame
When the mayor walked in... and her face turned to shame!
 
Caught with my pants off in flagrante delicto
The mayor turned as red jest like ol’ Mephisto
And I dodged him as I sashayed out holdin’ my pants
While his wife laid on the table in a dead out trance!
 
Once again, cuz of a dang woman,
I had to make myself scarce!
'Tweren't no doubt in my mind the
Mayor would a shot my ass dead!
Ran like hell to the livery clutchin' my pants in my hand,
 Got my horse and rode out bare assed!
And the only regret I got ‘bout the whole dang affair…
I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED! 

Mams Carter - Not Lookin' For Love Anymore

 Mams Carter began her recording career as the pianist in her son Amos Carter's (a Big and Tall Records artist too!) boogie woogie band. She continues to record original songs, the last few being blues related. In this song, Not Lookin' For Love Anymore she returns to boogie woogie. She accompanies her contralto voice with her boogie woogie piano riffs along with brass and guitar in the background. As usual, when he's available her son Amos supports the bass line with his double bass

Ever lose somethin',
Look all around
No matter where you look,
It just can't be found
You try to keep focused,
Try really hard
But you don't find it 'til
You let down your guard
 
I'm not lookin' for love anymore
Don't need to, just don't
Like that thing you lost that you found
Love will find me, or it won't!
 
I've looked too damn
Hard for love anyway
Trust me, lookin' that
Hard just don't pay!
You can't force it
I've learned that so well
Fell flat on my face,
Too many times, to tell!
 
I'm not lookin' for love anymore
Don't need to, just don't
Like that thing you lost that you found
Love will find me, or it won't!
 
And what if it never finds me again?
What in hell will I say then?
Will I regret all of my inaction
Be to my heart a real infraction?
 
I'm not lookin' for love anymore
Don't need to, just don't
Like that thing you lost that you found
Love will find me, or it won't!
 
And what if it never finds me again?
What in hell will I say then?
Will I regret all of my inaction
Be to my heart a real infraction?
 
I'm not lookin' for love anymore
Don't need to, just don't
Like that thing you lost that you found
Love will find me, or it won't

Big Marv Plays - Artie Matthews - Pastime Rags No. 3 and 4

Artie Matthews

 Artie Matthews (1888-1958) got hisd first instruction on the piano from his mother. Later in his teens he started to play in the local taverns and other venues in Springfield, IL.  His ambition was to become a ragtime piano player, and he took personal instruction from some local pianists. He began playing anywhere he could, including bordellos in Springfield. 

He moved to St. Louis when he was 18 years old. The year was 1907, right in the middle of the ragtime craze. He got employment with Tom Turpin, the local saloon keeper and ragtime composer and pianist. While in St. Louis, Matthews got formal training in music at a local school of music. Matthew's furthering of his education makes him distinct from many ragtime pianist/composers who didn't have formal training, some without the ability to read music. Matthews went on to compose a few ragtime pieces, including  the 5 Pastime Rags, published between 1913-1918. 

Eventually Matthews wrote blues numbers as well as jazz, but most of his later life was dedicated to education of black musicians. Formal education for black musicians was scarce at the time, as many music schools did not accept them. Matthews started his own school in Cincinnati, Ohio and was honored with an honorary doctorate. 

We at Big And Tall Records are fortunate to have Big Marv as one of our artists and producers. His knowledge of music ranges from Dixieland Jazz to Classical, and he has some comments about the two ragtime pieces he plays:

Artie Matthews didn't compose many ragtime pieces, but what he wrote are of high quality, especially the 5 Pastime Rags. These are written in a 'slow drag' style, and there is a definite 'latin' feel in the rhythm that shows up here and there. It was emphasized by many of the ragtime writers to not play ragtime too fast! Some of the renditions we've heard over the years takes way too much off the mystique of the style by playing it too fast. One example of how slow and mellow ragtime can be is this example of The Slippery Elm Rag written by Clarence Woods -

I chose only two out of  the five, number 3 and number 4. These are the two that my professor in college used as examples of classic ragtime. The 3rd has a distinct latin feel to the first section after the introductory trills. But it regains it's classic rag stance with the finale. There's a temptation to add to this rag, to embellish it. Some players do, but I prefer to follow the advice of ragtime composers themselves who would write on their compositions don't fake it! In other words, play it as written!

Number 4 is the one I really remember from school! My professor was a concert quality pianist as well as a fine teacher, and when he first played the piece it was strange. It took a bit until we in class realized  that the different sounds we were hearing were tone clusters! Bunched up notes, played 4 at a time, all close together. Prof really brought out the quality and distinct sound of the clusters in the repeat of the section when he took it louder. It was like big, fat harmony, like an elephant clumping along! A most unique rag! 

Chuck Wagon Calhoun - Booger Hole Shorty

Some more 'memories' of Chuck Wagon Calhoun, a man that has done everything and is timeless, a legend in his own mind! This time he's a world-class billiards player that gets whipped by a man they call Booger Hole Shorty, in the town of Booger Hole,Texas naturally. We 'googled' Booger Hole, Texas and we were not surprised to learn there is no such town in Texas by that name. But Shorty comes by the name honestly, as he's a man that barely can reach the table he's so short. But he proves to be a great shot, as he runs out the entire game without letting Chuck Wagon get off even one shot. 

We're all wondering what tall tale Chuck Wagon comes up with next time! He appears to have an interest in history, the history of the old west for sure!

Howdy!
Ma name's Chuck Wagon Calhoun.
Bet ya’ll didn’t know I used to be
A world class billiard player!
This here’s a song ‘bout the time
I played  ‘nother world class dude
In the town of… Booger Hole, Texas!
YEE HAW, YA’LL
 
Booger Hole Shorty were my foe
‘Bout as big as my little toe!
Barely reached the table, but they said he’s able
To run yer bank account low!
 
Through the grapevine heard that in a little town in Texas
Was a player could beat me whose style of play's reckless
Packed up my bag rode my horse towards my goal
Mosied down the road to find the town of Booger Hole!
 
Booger Hole Shorty were my foe,
Jest 'bout as big as my little toe!
Barely reached the table, but they said he’s able
To run yer bank account low!
 
Folks tol' me that Shorty would be there soon
So I played solo to git warmed up wanted to be in tune
Then two big galoots walked in, made the way clear
For an itty bitty dude that follered up the rear!
 
Booger Hole Shorty were really short!
Jest 'bout as big as a popcorn fart
Looked like a kid, 'cept for a bald lid
Smoked a cigar, gave me a start!
 
Shorty didn't say a word, got a wad of money out his pants
Throwed it on the table, crowd began to chant
"Booger Hole Shorty! Booger Hole Shorty! Ya'll can do it!
Jest give it to him hard and good, don't never quit!"
 
Lagged to see who got to shoot first
Shorty won showed whose shot was worse
All I did was drink whiskey and watch the little bastard
As he showed me the damned shots he'd mastered
 
Booger Hole Shorty were really hot!
Pranced and acted like a little snot!
Looked at me and giggled, his little ass he wiggled
And he kept sinkin' shot after shot!
 
Never got to make a single shot! He were that good!
 I can take an ass whuppin', as well as the next dude,
But when the little fucker come up and said in a high
Squeaky voice, "You cain't shoot pool fer shit!"
I bent down to bust him one when the two big galoots
 Rushed me!  I walloped them in the head with my pool
Cue and took off runnin'!  When I got to the door, I turned and hollered, 
"I hope when ya git home, Snow White beats yer ass and sends
Ya to bed without no supper, YOU SAWED OFF DAD BLAMED
 LITTLE ASS HOLE!"