Zbig Szafranski with The Nude Polka Kings - Czernina!

Zbig Szafranski

He's back! Zbig Szafranski has come back to theU.S. after a visit to his homeland of Poland.  We thought that he wouldn't come back by the sound of things last time we heard a song from him. He sounded and looked terrible; overweight, forgetful, gruff and nasty personality. He had been associated with our polka group, The Nude Polka Kings, and their spokesperson told us  that they thought he'd gone back to Poland to die. But after the first of the year he came back. Ends up Poland was not to his liking, too much had changed. He looked up some relatives when there, and one of them was a rich businessman in Warsaw who took a liking to him and got him into a private hospital for a checkup. After a few weeks there, and put on a diet, he came out a new man! Medication to help with  his failing heart, and a general makeover of the rest of his health issues. The spokesman told us his attitude changed as well! Not nearly as grumpy and cantankerous, looks downright healthy for a man in his late 90's! And you can hear the difference in his voice, compared to this song he first recorded for us:

 

His new song is in  tribute to his Polish Grandmother who used to make his favorite dish for him: Czernina - Duck Blood Soup! Yes, soup made from dried fruit, vinegar, onions, garlic, pepper, salt, duck broth...and duck blood! A classic, traditional peasant soup from Poland that used all of the duck 'except the beak'. For peasants all over the world, nothing could be wasted. We hear at Big And Tall Records have never heard of it, let alone tasted it, but  they say it is a sweet and sour soup that if you can forget that one ingredient, tastes very good and is still popular in Poland today.

I went to Polska,
I tell you something I ate, classic dish!
Is Czernina!  Cernina! Say it! Cernina
I going to tell how to make it
BUT YOU GOING TO EAT IT ANYWAY!
 
Take onions, cut them fine
Dice dry fruit, do what I speak
You need a kacza...A DUCK! ...
A live duck!
Don't be sissy pants, use it all but beak!
 
 Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Onion, pepper and salt use too
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki! Is good for you!
 
Hold duck over bowl...CUT HIS THROAT!...
Is tradition! Don’t get sick!
Drain blood in bowl, then pluck and gut!
Simmer dead kaczki in plenty water deep
Strip off the meat, let it steep!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Do what I say
Duck blood! Duck blood! Use it today!
Vinegar then you going to use
Duck blood! Krew z kaczki!  You don’t refuse!
 
Put vinegar in bowl with blood
Don't want  blood clot get hard
Stir it up, let it sit, go back to kaczki
Filter broth, duck cut up , use DUCK LARD!
 
Put everything together, let it simmer
Not too hot, and get pierogies ready!
What?  You don’t know pierogies?  Shame on you!
Is good Polska food, learn already!
Don’t be stupid Polack!
 
Krew z kaczki! Krew z kaczki! Ready to eat!
Duck blood! Duck blood! Tender sweet meat!
Simmered in broth, blood, but not beak
EAT IT GODDAMMIT! DON’T GET SICK!
 
Is good for you! So very tasty too!
Was cooked by my babcia (Grandma)
When I was little boy
Is good memory, this soup!
Niech Bóg błogosławi duszę mojej babci…
(May God bless my Grandmother’s soul)
 
Duck blood soup! Duck blood soup! Do what I say
Czernina! Czernina! Use it today!
Onion, fruit, pepper and salt use too
Czernina! Czernina! Is good for you! 

Zbig Szafranski - Polska, My Home

By the time we at Big And Tall Records released this song by Zbig Szafranski, he was on his way home to Poland. He had left in the early 1970's for political reasons. His work in Polish resistance to the government then led to him having a price on his head. The group he was involved with slowly grew into the Solidarity movement. He was married with two children at the time, and had been separated from his wife for her and the children's safety for many months. He was in imminent danger of being discovered, and no doubt would have been executed if he had stayed. He was assured by the leaders of the movement that he needed to leave the country and his family would be safe. So he made his way to the U.S. (he still won't tell anyone how he got here) and started to make a new life and awaited the arrival of his family.  months later, he received a letter from Poland that his wife had died in a Gulag.  He never heard a word about his children. 

That was related to us by a band member of The Nude Polka Kings, with which he toured with. The band member said that he hoped his children were still alive, and that he wanted to die in Poland. He's in his late 80's, so it's understandable that he'd want to tie up loose ends. He's sold all his holdings in the tavern and dance hall he ran for over 40 years, so it's reasonable he won't be back. His gravelly, out of tune renditions of Polka songs have been interesting to say the least. And it's of note that he usually ends his songs with some graphic language in Polish, but that doesn't happen here. Just a slow lament of his countries name in Polish - Polska.

I not been to my homeland 

For a very long time ago

 Before I fall over the dead 

I vant to pack it up and go 

 

 I don’t know who is still alive

But I know that my wife is dead 

I getting ready to die myself 

I can’t get Polska out my head 

 

Polska, it is land of my birth 

A peoples wronged in history 

Cheated and robbed all their worth 

But it is still homeland to me

 

 Damn filthy Rosjanie (Russians) 

Damn filthy Niemcy (Germans) 

Invade our homeland take wealth 

 

They never want us to be free 

 So much Polska blood drenched the ground 

Bastards brought so much death and pain 

And nothing has been learned from it all 

For it happens over again... 

 

 Polska, I am still filled with hate 

For peoples wronged in history 

Masters of not their own fate 

Is still my homeland to me 

 

Never should have left long ago 

With promise that my family 

After a short time in hiding 

Would come here eventually 

 

GOD DAMN ROSJANIE! 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?

 So many years alone, by myself

 I never see them again... 

 

Polska, I am so ashamed

 For not staying together 

And die all as a family 

Be a family…forever.. 

Polska...Polska...Polska

Zbig Szafranski - Tak, Tak I'm Horny!

 Again with a recording of Zbig Szafranski! The Nude Polka Kings are in  the process of wrapping up their winter/spring tour, and they sent this recording from a live performance. Seems Zbig is getting quite a cult following! But we'll let the leader of The Kings tell you all about it:

We regret the day we invited Zbig to accompany us on the last leg of our tour. He got him on the stage one time to sing, and after that we couldn't keep him off of it! The first time he

Dirty Zbig

sang, there was scattered applause as most of the audience was shocked at his language and his demeanor. He was a combination of drunk and hungover from the previous night, as he sits in the front row during our songs and drinks beer, hoots and howls obscenities in Polish at the end. We've had really appreciative crowds on this leg, so their applause tends to drown him out. But when he's on stage, everybody hears it! Here's a picture we took of him that first performance. You can see that he's dirty, hair uncombed, clothes look like he's slept in them (which he had), but at least the crowd beyond the front row couldn't smell him! Nasty! We tried to lay the law down and tell him no more singing if he doesn't clean himself up. But he ignored us. But we

Cleaned Up Zbig

unleashed our secret weapon on him; Mrs. Gillside, one of our crew that is in charge of making arrangements for lodgings and any other accommodations we need. She's got a way with people, she gets them to do what they need to do. Without her,our tour would be chaos! She worked her magic on Zbig, and here's a picture of him after she got through. Clean clothes, hair combed, looking neat, at least for him. He calls her Pani Gillside, the Polish honorific for Mrs. He defers to her in many matters. She's still working on his nasty noises and language though.

With each performance the crowd has gotten more and more into his singing, if that's what you want to call it. With the recent recording we sent you, the crowd reacts immediately when  he comes on stage! And with each concert it's grown! Must be some sort of word of mouth. He farts, he swears, he makes noises like he's gonna puke, and the audience goes nuts!  We can't figure out what's going on, but we think he's actually increased attendance to our concerts! Some older women especially act like teenie boppers at a Beatles concert of the 1960's, do everything but throw their Depends on the stage! 

Luckily just a few more dates, and we can have a rest. This tour has been exhausting without Zbig, but with  him... There's a problem brewing though. We start our summer schedule in the middle of June, and he already said he want to be part of it! A lot of these dates will be nude concerts, and the thought of Zbig on the stage without any clothes on horrifies all of us! We've got to figure out away to discourage him! Any ideas you guys have, let us know!

 Well guys, nothing comes to mind to keep him from joining you. Might be good for your sales! It's a mystery to us why crowds like the guy so much. Maybe the novelty will wear off? He is 84 years old, so he can't keep going on tour, drinking beer, eating kielbasa, and doinking all the old ladies that want him. It's a mystery how he's still going so strong now after the life he's lead. 

I am old Polak, I like to drink beer

 But I’m not too old, I STILL LIKE TO FUCK!! 

Got big long kutas (penis) big hairy jądra (testicles) 

If I’m in your bed, you’re in lots of luck! 

 

Tak,tak, (Yes, yes) I’m horny all of the damn time 

I want to have sex, but do not feel sad 

If you not Polak, I not in to you 

I don’t fuck you no! It is much too bad! 

 

I come from Polska, (Poland) long a time ago

 The assholes want me, to shoot in my head 

So jumped on a ship, sail across the sea 

If I no come here, I be rotten dead! 

 

Tak, tak, I’m horny, every all day 

But I no fuck you, do not you much pout 

I want a Polak, they much more better 

Because they stink and taste like sauer kraut! 

 

 I get all drunken, get on stage to sing 

Da band play a song, make up as I go 

Da words to da song, the band get angry 

But the crowd like it, given me applause! 

 

 Tak, tak, I’m horny by now you know it 

Woman want me much, don’t get in a rage 

Pull down de spodnie, (pants) Take out my kutas 

HOLD IT IN MY HANDS, DRAG ACROSS THE STAGE! 

 

 I get all drunken, get on stage to sing 

Da band play a song, make up as I go 

Da words to da song, the band get angry 

But the crowd like it, given me applause! 

 

Tak, tak, I’m horny by now you know it 

Woman want me much, don’t get in a rage 

Pull down de spodnie, Take out my kutas 

HOLD IT IN MY HANDS, DRAG ACROSS THE STAGE! 

 

 Kobiety szaleją, gdy to widzą! 

Wtedy dobrze się bawimy! 

(Women go crazy when they see that! 

That's when we have fun!)

Zbig Szafranski - Polka Dance Is Good For You

Well, it happened. What we at Big And Tall Records thought was a one-off recording of an owner of a famous Polka/Beer hall, n ow has a repeat performance. The gravel-voiced Zbig Szafranski is on tour with The Nude Polka Kings in honor of his 84th birthday. He sits in the crowd, drinks beer while The Kings play, and after he gets lit up enough, he takers the stage to sing. He barely makes it through one song, but the crowd usually gives him a storm of applause. 

To say that Zbig is uninhibited would be an understatement. He's led such a varied, and sometimes dangerous, life that probably contributed to that part of his personality. The man actually faced death in his native Poland due to his rabble rousing. The Soviet Union didn't take kindly to any kind of insurrection, and he had a breath-taking escape from certain  execution. The Kings recorded one of his impromptu songs at a concert and sent us the recording.  Zbig got a big kick out of the first recording he did for us, so in honor of him we're offering this one up as well. At the end he says some words in Polish. According to The Kings that translated it, he says: " We get drunk! We find Polish sluts! We fuck and fart all night long!"and promptly raises his leg and lets go a ripper for emphasis! The reports we're getting from The Kings confirm that is more than an ending for a song; it's his motto for the rest of the night. Each night after a concert The Kings take turns going with the old man on his escapades as they feel responsible for his welfare. At 84, with numerous physical ailments, there seems to be nothing wrong with his libido! 

When you dance the polka in my place 

You need to have a good time 

If you don't I mess up you face 

Because it is a real crime 

 

Polka dance is good for you 

Stomp and stamp your feet 

Drink beer, look at women 

Or I kick you into the street!

 

 Polish woman are good for sex 

They know just what to do 

They treat a man like a king 

Wipe you off when they are through 

 

Polka dance is good for you 

Mazurka is good as well 

Drink the beer, look at woman 

Or you can go to hell! 

 

 Have kielbasa in big bun 

Plenty sauerkraut and mustard 

Eat it all, don't throw none away 

Don't be wasteful bastard! 

 

 Polka dance is good for you 

We love to eat and drink 

Drink the beer, look at woman

 If ya have to puke use the sink! 

 

They want me to sing this song 

They say I am a big star 

But I am thinking they full of gówno (shit) 

They must be big fat liar! 

 

 Polka dance is good for you 

Dance until you drop 

Drink the beer, look at woman 

Then in the bed you flop! 

 

When you dance the polka in my place 

You need to have a good time 

If you don't I mess up you face 

Because it is a real crime 

 

Polka dance is good for you 

Stomp and stamp your feet 

Drink the Beer, look at women 

Or I kick you into the street! 

 

Upijamy się! 

Znajdujemy polskie dziwki! 

Ruchamy się i pierdzimy całą noc!

(We get drunk! We find Polish sluts! 

We fuck and fart all night long!)

 

Ziegniew 'Zbig' Szafrański - Polka Polka!

Ziegniew 'Zbig' Szafrański

 This is one of  the strangest recording that Big And Tall Records has done to date! Some of our associates were in Chicago, Illinois recently. Chicago has the largest Polish community in the United States (in fact, there's only one city in  the entire world that has a larger Polish population, and that is Warsaw, Poland!), so our people decided to check out some of the Polish restaurants and dance halls with the intent of recording some of the many fine Polish musicians in the area.

They visited an infamous Polish beer/dance hall and restaurant called 'Zbigs' (pronounced Spigs), named after the Polish proprietor Ziegniew Szafrański, a famous Polish immigrant in the community. Legend says that Zbig participated in the Poznań protests in 1956, that involved industrial workers of that city in concerted efforts against the communist government. The workers demanded better working conditions and an improvement of the harsh economic times of 1956.  In the beginning the communists dealt quite harshly with the protests, but in the end there were some reforms that came about because of them. Zbig was involved with a group that was in the thick of things. There were casualties within the group, including six deaths. Zbig himself suffered some very serious injuries to his arms and especially to his neck and throat. These injuries led to the coarse quality of his voice, as he was struck in the throat with the butt of a Russian rifle. He managed to escape before capture, and never got treatment for his neck and throat injuries. He had a price on his head, and jumped a ship that led to his being a stow away and his arrival in the U.S. His appeal for asylum was approved and he headed for Chicago to gain employment in what he had experience in inn Poland, the steel industry. But his injuries prevented him from getting hired, so he went to work in the Polish section of town in a restaurant, starting out as a dish washer. He moved his way up, learned how to cook and how to manage the business. Soon he bought his own restaurant, and he has been a legend in the Polish community ever since. 

Even though in his 80's, he is in the restaurant most days overseeing the kitchen, meeting and greeting customers. on the night that our associates were there, he insisted on taking the stage and 'singing' (more like growling) a song in his accented English. They decided to record the old man, if for no other reason then for posterity, so he rendered his version of a 'slow polka', as he called it.  He kicked most the musicians off the stage, and gave everyone a hoarse, barking song that was as much a lesson comparing English words to the Polish equivalents. And the warning to all the men to look at the barmaid's tits all they want, but don't touch because they are his daughters! 

So if he's in his 80's how old are his daughters? Well, Zbig's been married numerous times, and his youngest daughter by his latest wife is 19 years old! His voice not only sounds kind of rough, his face looks kind of rough. He's led a tough life! 

The lyrics are especially handy for this song, as Zbig's English still isn't the best! 

 We play for you, some good Polish music!! 

To dance, and sing, and have a good time! 

So listen to our music, and drink the piva 

And we all will get drunk, and have a good time! 

 

Polka, polka, we dance the polka! 

The lovely bar maids, they bring piva to you! 

They have big cycki, and you can look all you want, 

But don't you touch, because THEY’RE MY DAUGHTERS!!! 

 

 English, you say Warsaw, Polish, we say Warszawa 

English, you say de tits, Polish, we say Cycki! 

English, you say beer Polish we say Piva! 

[untranslatable] 

 

Polka, polka, we dance the polka! 

The lovely bar maids, they bring piva to you! 

They have big cycki, and you can look all you want, 

But don't you touch, because THEY’RE MY DAUGHTERS!!! 

 

 English you say sauerkraut, Polish we say Kapusta Kiszona! 

English you say drunk, Polish we say pijany 

English you say sausage, Polish we say kielbasa 

English you say fuck, Polish we say pierdolić!

 

 Polka, polka, you dance the polka! 

The lovely bar maids, they bring piva to you! 

They have big cycki, and you can look all you want, 

But if you touch, you either want to be my son in law, OR DECEASED!! 

 

English you say whore, Polish we say kurwa!!!

 English you say son of a bitch, Polish we say sukinsynu!!! 

English you say ass hole, Polish we say dziura w dupie 

English you say dead, POLISH WE SAY MARTWY!!!!!