Act I
Scene 1
Luigi and his brother Antonio open a barbershop in Paducah, Kentucky in the early 1950's and offer lots more services than just hair cuts and shaves
Luigi's aria - Come On Into My Shop
My name’s Luigi, nice to meet you.
First time in my place?
What is, I can do to you?
 |
| Travis V. McGonigle |
You wanna you haircut, yes? I can cut a you mop!
Wanna bet horses, yes? I place it on a top!
How about a some whisky? I got bottle over there!
You wanna bath yes? It’s under the stair!
Wanna shoe shine, eh? The chairs on a the wall
You wanna anything, anything at all!
Luigi can do it, and with a big a smile!
I’ll do so gladly, laugh all a the while!
You wanna piece of ass, eh? Luigi fix it for you!
She do anything, you want a her to do!
Come on into my shop, the best a one in town
Offer you much more, than the one across town!
Card a game, shoot a da crap, Pay the ponies, take a da nap
Wash a you ass, take a big sheet, cut a you nose hair, trim a you feet
Trim you toes, shave a the dimple, blow nose, pop a da pimple
Fold your hanky, get a corsage, sell a da beer, get a massage
Brush a you teeth, drink a the tea, clean you ears, take a big pee
Listen to sport, tobacco to burn, talk politics, gossip to learn
Trim ear hair, bottle to pass, trim fingernails, wipe a you ass
Trim a the beard, give you shave, in a my shop, don’t have to behave
Whatever you want, Luigi try, kiss a you wife, tell her bye bye
You come a my shop, I cut you mop
I shave a you face, your bet I’ll sure place
You want a whiskey, you feel a frisky
Wanna some ass, I make come to pass!
Luigi! Luigi! Anything you want, you can get HERE!
My name’s Luigi, nice to meet a you I never see you in my place
What is, I can do to you? I take care of a you face
And so much more!
You wanna you eyebrows trimmed, See? I can cut a you brows!
Wanna bet the ponies, See? I can place it, you never lose!
How about a some bourbon? I got bottle over there!
You wanna ass hair trim See? Take off a underwear!
Wanna blow job a eh? The rooms on that wall
You wanna anything, See? Anything at all!
Luigi can do it, and with a big a smile!
Come on into my shop, the best a one in town
Offer you much more, than the one across town!
Card a game, shoot a da crap, play the ponies, take a da nap
Wash you ass, take a big sheet, cut a you nose hair, trim a you feet
Trim you toes, shave a the dimple, blow nose, pop a da pimple
Fold your hanky, get a corsage, sell a da beer, get a massage
Brush a you teeth, drink a the tea, clean you ears, take a big pee
Listen to sport, tobacco to burn, talk politics, gossip to learn
Trim ear hair, bottle to pass, trim fingernails, wipe a you ass
Trim a the beard, give you shave, in a my shop, don’t have to behave
Whatever you want, Luigi try, kiss a you wife, tell her bye bye
You come a my shop, I cut you mop,
I shave a you face, your bet I’ll sure place
You want a whiskey, you feel a frisky
Wanna some ass, I make come to pass!
Luigi! Luigi! Anything you want, you can get HERE!
PULL UP A CHAIR!
WASSA YOU NAME?
COME ON INNA MY SHOP!
Soon their barbershop has a large growing clientele
March of the patrons
Chorus - The barbershop, our safe haven
We play poker all of the day
Luigi covers us, knows what to say
We give him a cut it's only fair
Gives us a discount to cut our hair
Put a few slot machines in the back
Other ways to gamble, that's a fact
Two billiard tables, punch boards too
We lose all our money when we're through
The barbershop, our safe haven
From our wives and all our chores to do
Luigi is the perfect maven
Without his games, we'd all be blue
When wives get real pushy and demand
We come right home with hat in hand
Luigi goes and knows what to say
So we can relax, and just stay
Sometimes it takes a little time
For wives to buy his phony line
When he comes back while we still play
He says, "Luigi feex! Ees Okay! "
The barbershop, our safe haven
From our wives and all our chores to do
Luigi is the perfect maven
Without his games, we'd all be blue
And when we start feeling....well...frisky
Luigi helps in ways less risky
He's got a book that's filled with pictures
We can pick and get enraptured
He collects all the money from us
No problem, no effort, no fuss
Gives us the room number and key
So we can experience ecstasy
The barbershop, our safe haven
From our wives and all our chores to do
Luigi is the perfect maven
Without his games, we'd all be blue
Marj at the hotel helps no maybes
She's in charge of all the...er...ladies
Chorus -
The barbershop, our safe haven...
Luigi -
"Come on a in, boys!"
Chorus -
From our wives and all our chores to do...
Luigi -
"No, you need a to relax, Si!"
Chorus -
Luigi is the perfect maven...
Luigi -
"You da perfect customers!"
Chorus -
And all of us truly thank you!...
Luigi -
"You a so... welcome! Have some whiskey! Ha! Ha!"
There's anything extra that we need
She gets it for us, yes sir indeed
She's the manager of the hotel...
If you want the truth, then we will tell
She's just in on Luigi's racket
With just hotel's pay, couldn't hack it
So Luigi creates employment
And provides us with so much pleasure
We all have a lot of contentment
With this Dago we sure do treasure
And rumors about all sure abound
From one end to the other of town
That Luigi's just a big crook!
And money from our wallets partook
We know them all, and they sure sound strange
He takes our money in fair exchange
For services rendered we sure like
Get rid of him, and we'll go on strike!
The barbershop, our safe haven...
Luigi -
"Come on a in, boys!"
Chorus -
From our wives and all our chores to do...
Luigi -
"No, you need a to relax, Si!"
Chorus -
Luigi is the perfect maven...
Luigi -
"You da perfect customers!"
Chorus -
And all of us truly thank you!...
Luigi -
"You a so... welcome! Have some whiskey! Ha! Ha!"
Three months goes by since the opening of the barbershop, and the two brothers are making lots of money.
Luigi's Waltz
Luigi Aria - How Much Better Is It Gonna Get?
We make much money
With all the book takers
Marj at the hotel
Whores lots of money make
We make much money
With all the book takers
Marj at the hotel
Whores lots of money make
Poker all night long
Crap game going out back
The best we ever do
Make money by the stack!
Only been here 3 months
How better it gonna get?
The cops don't give a shit
We make all we can get!
Brother Antonio
Women here unhappy!
Married women much more!
I go make them happy!
Husbands love like a PIG!
Take, take, take, do not stop
Women no satisfied
Then the sex they let drop
Show them nice attention
Show them like you in love
Love just like a young man
Give the man a hard shove!
These stooped hilly billys,
Will keep give us money
For all the sins they do
Their women call me honey!
We make money! Call me honey!
We bet ponies! Fleece the phonies!
Whores we use! We don refuse,
Any one who want to give us...
Their money!
See how long we can stay
Looks like it many days
Long as amore can last
We live here and no stray!
These stoopid hilly billys,
Will keep give us money
For all ad sins they do
Their women call me honey!
We cut hair! We always fair!
Take all a da bets! With no regrets!
We shine ad shoes! And serve da booze!
An we do never, never, never, never....
Refuse.....
Their Money! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Antonio - Mop The Floor Interlude
Aria - That's all well and good
That's all well and good, dear brother
But you need to be so careful
The married women, they talk a talk!
To each other, they start trouble!
The married women, they talk a talk!
To each other, they start trouble!
I like it here, is so very good
I got nice Paducah woman
she like a me, I like a her good
Like to stay as long as we can
End up the same goddam a way
Da men, day run us out a da town
We lucky to escape with our ass!
I already see men that do frown
I don't a know why you mixed up
With married women every where
So many pretty women no so
So lonely, lovely and fair!
We will one day not be so lucky!
They trap us, we den will pay the price!
With so many wives you have had
They will not treat us so very nice!
So I ask a you my dear brother
Consider the words dat I say
We cannot live like this forever
Have to stop dis business someday!
End up the same goddam a way
Da men, day run us out a da town
We lucky to escape with our ass!
I already see men that do frown
I don a know why you mixed up
With married women every where
So many pretty women no so
So lonely, lovely and fair!
We will one day not be so lucky!
They trap us, we den will pay the price!
With so many wives you have had
They will not treat us so very nice!
So I ask a you my dear brother
Consider the words dat I say
We cannot live like this forever
Have to stop dis business someday!
Scene 2
In The Flower Shop
Louisa is a young woman that owns a flower shop on the other side of town. She begins her work day in the shop.
Louisa's aria -
This is my favorite time of year!
The trees and flowers are budded
I have much that I need to do
Soon my shop with beauty be flooded!
I have no trouble this side of townVic the barber across the way
Keeps trying to get me to move my shop
But it's here that I'm going to stay...
He's a nice man, but he's not for me
I've been independent way to long
 |
| Travis V. McGonigle |
I'm getting by, and I'm really strong
This side of the town of Paducah
Has not the money or influence
But the people are friendly, helpful
Don't care about being affluent
Vic has made it quite clear and plain
He won't give in anytime soon
But he'll find out that when I say NO!
No sense of him being a buffoon!
The barber Luigi up the street
Is so much different and polite
He comes to my shop every day
Always looks clean...well trimmed...and bright!
This is my favorite time of year!
The trees and flowers are budded
I have much that I need to do
Soon my shop with beauty be flooded!
Louisa hears a commotion outside of her shop, looks out the window and sees a group of older ladies having a spirited discussion.
Gossiping women outside of flower shop - Interlude
Louisa's Aunt Cora comes into the shop after being a part of the discussion outside
Aunt Cora's aria -
Louisa! Ya hear 'bout Luigi
And all the goin's on at his shop now?
Listen! Ya won't think he's such a good thing
You'll find out he's jest a low brow!
Ya won't believe me, but gotta say
He's got more goin' on than ya think!
More than hair and whiskers flyin'
He's so goddamned rotten, he stinks!
He takes horse racin' bets on the side
Booze in the shop without no license
Got a whole harem of dirty whores
Ya know what that's 'bout ain't science
Any dirty thing ya can think of
The Dago does it I guarantee
Takes married women, back of the shop
Gets all he wants, and it's all free!
Keep yer distance from him, Louisa
I seen that glitter look in yer eye!
Ain't nothin' but a butt load a trouble
He'll stomp on yer heart, make ya cry!
A word to the wise should be enough!
Don't know why ya keep snubbin' Vic
Now there's a man's got integrity
Do I have to hit ya with a brick!
He takes horse racin' bets on the side
Booze in the shop without no license
Got a whole harem of dirty whores
Ya know what that's 'bout ain't science
Any dirty thing ya can think of
The Dago does it I guarantee
Takes married women, back of the shop
Gets all he wants, and it's all free!
Keep yer distance from him, Louisa
I seen that glitter look in yer eye!
Ain't nothin' but a butt load a trouble
He'll stomp on yer heart, make ya cry!
A word to the wise should be enough!
Don't know why ya keep snubbin' Vic
Now there's a man's got integrity
Do I have to hit ya with a brick?
Louisa’s aria to her aunt -
You're jumping to conclusions, Aunt Cora!
We exchange pleasantries, converse some
He gets a flower for his suit coat
And he's on his way.
As far as anything else developing...
Never can tell what things may happen
I admit, he’s handsome, well mannered
His accent is rather appealing
But I wouldn’t call that enamored
I'm really so busy this time of year
I do miss the companionship of a man
But I've got a business to run
A man doesn't define who I am
What I'm about to say is painful
Ever since Uncle Jack up and left
You've had an axe to grind about men
I understand your heart is bereft
But past relationships have taught me
To step cautiously if at all
I ever contemplate Luigi
He'll have to come clean of it all
I know you mean well by telling me
I can take care of myself and get by
I am not getting any younger
That doesn't mean I'll turn a blind eye!
So go on home now, Aunt Cora
Make sure you've taken your medicine
Listen to songs on the radio
All of these thoughts you can jettison
My Dear Aunt Cora!
Like a Mama to me
We'll have supper tonight
On that we can agree...
Scene 3
In The Beauty Salon
Jill’s ariaWe all meet at the beauty salon
Like the men meet at the barbershop
We gossip, mud sling, and eavesdrop too
All the rumors and lies never stop
Did you hear all about so and so
Her husband is playing all around
The hotel women of ill repute
Is a new diversion he has found
My husband is one of those kind too
He’d rather pay and lay with a whore
Instead of with me, his loving wife
I don’t care, because...he’s such a bore!
My friends at the salon ask me
What about you, my dear, what about you?
All us women have our needs as well
You must do something to satisfy
Do you go solo? Please, please do tell!
I really shouldn't reveal it...but...
I will tell all of it, I don’t care....
Been ravished by barber Luigi
He’s so tender, loving, and he cares!
I call my husband at the shop
Tell him to come home, and don’t amble!
But it’s Luigi that shows up
While husband Sammy stays to gamble!
No! Do you let him in? Do you sin?
Every way, and all day, if I can!
The barber is always clean and fresh
Does not smell like usual men!
My breath grows fast, can hardly catch
I invite him in we sit and talk
The whole time I’m getting excited
His voice is so soothing and so sexy
And soon to my bed he’s invited!
Oh my! What happens then?
Oh, my dears! That is only the start!
Fill in the blanks for the why and when
His stamina is a work of art
Knows just what to do, and just when
He knows so many things about love
That puts my husband Sammy to shame!
He gives me such joy and ecstasy
Over…over…and over again!
We talk the rest of the afternoon
Sammy's wife Jill has opened our eyes
And as we discuss others confess...
That for them it also applies
So while our husbands pay Luigi
To gamble, drink, buy whores and tell lies
That crafty Italian lover…
Is taking care of most of their wives!
What about you, my dears, what about you?
All us women have our needs as well
You must do something to satisfy
Do you go solo, please, please do tell!
You know it won’t get farther than here
Us women need to stick together
Spill the beans; tell us what’s going on
Must be doing something or other
So while our husbands pay Luigi
To gamble, drink, buy whores and tell lies
That crafty Italian lover…
Is taking care of most of their wives!
TANGO OF THE HAIR DRYERS - Interlude
Women's Chorus - Men Are Pigs!
We had such a revelation
From Jill and from all the others
What’s really going on at the shop?
How some men treat us wives and mothers!
Thank God it isn’t all of them
But it sure as hell is enough!
They have their fun blow their money
And make it hard for us, and tough!
Take them as a group men are pigs!
They work all day, go to the shop
Don't do a damn thing 'round the house
All this nonsense has got to stop!
We understand why our sisters
Had their pleasure with the barber
But two wrongs sure don’t make a right
For the men bad feelings we harbor!
We cook, clean, and raise all the kids
Then all they give us is pennies
While they go out to the hotel
And fuck young girls in their twenties!
Take them as a group men are pigs!
Only time they clean themselves up
Is when they’re meeting their trollops
To gamble with liquor they sop up!
Grass needs cutting, up to my knee
Garbage is piling up out back
All they want to do is NOTHING!
Complain how they just hurt their back!
They come home smelling like perfume
And say they just had a haircut
And the barber douses them down
So they do not smell like a mutt!
Take them as a group men are pigs!
They lay around, look like a slob!
Don't do a damn thing 'round the house
We need to turn into a mob!
We understand why our sisters
Had their pleasure with the barber
But two wrongs sure don’t make a right
For the men bad feelings we harbor!
We cook, clean, and raise all the kids
Then all they give us is pennies
While they go out to the hotel
And fuck young girls in their twenties!
Take them as a group men are pigs!
Only time they clean themselves up
Is when they’re meeting their trollops
To gamble with liquor they sop up!
Grass needs cutting, up to my knee
Garbage is piling up out back
All they want to do is NOTHING!
Complain how they just hurt their back!
They come home smelling like perfume
And say they just had a haircut
And the barber douses them down
So they do not smell like a mutt!
Take them as a group men are pigs!
They lay around, look like a slob!
Don't do a damn thing 'round the house
We need to turn into a mob!
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