Libretto - ACT I, Scene 1

 Act I Scene 1

Luigi and his brother Antonio open a barbershop in Paducah, Kentucky and offer lots more services than just hair cuts and shaves

 

Luigi's aria - Come On Into My Shop 

 My name’s Luigi, nice to meet you. 

First time in my place? What is, I can do to you? 

I take care of you face....and so much more! 

 You wanna you haircut, yes? I can cut a you mop! 

Wanna bet horses, yes? I place it on a top!

 How about a some whisky? I got bottle over there! 

You wanna bath yes? It’s under the stair! 

Wanna shoe shine, eh? The chairs on a the wall 

You wanna anything, anything at all! 

Luigi can do it, and with a big a smile! 

I’ll do so gladly, laugh all a the while! 

You wanna piece of ass, eh? Luigi fix it for you! 

She do anything, you want a her to do!

 

 Come on into my shop, the best a one in town

Offer you much more, than the one across town! 

Card a game, shoot a da crap, Pay the ponies, take a da nap

Wash a you ass, take a big sheet, cut a you nose hair, trim a you feet

Trim you toes, shave a the dimple, blow nose, pop a da pimple

Fold your hanky, get a corsage, sell a da beer, get a massage

Brush a you teeth, drink a the tea, clean you ears, take a big pee

Listen to sport, tobacco to burn, talk politics, gossip to learn

Trim ear hair, bottle to pass, trim fingernails, wipe a you ass

Trim a the beard, give you shave, in a my shop, don’t have to behave

Whatever you want, Luigi try, kiss a you wife, tell her bye bye 

You come a my shop, I cut you mop

I shave a you face, your bet I’ll sure place

 You want a whiskey, you feel a frisky

Wanna some ass, I make come to pass! 

Luigi! Luigi! Anything you want, you can get HERE! 

 My name’s Luigi, nice to meet a you I never see you in my place 

What is, I can do to you? I take care of a you face

And so much more! 

 You wanna you eyebrows trimmed, See? I can cut a you brows! 

Wanna bet the ponies, See? I can place it, you never lose! 

How about a some bourbon? I got bottle over there! 

You wanna ass hair trim See? Take off a underwear! 

Wanna blow job a eh? The rooms on that wall

You wanna anything, See? Anything at all! 

Luigi can do it, and with a big a smile! 

 Come on into my shop, the best a one in town

Offer you much more, than the one across town! 

Card a game, shoot a da crap, play the ponies, take a da nap

Wash you ass, take a big sheet, cut a you nose hair, trim a you feet

Trim you toes, shave a the dimple, blow nose, pop a da pimple

Fold your hanky, get a corsage, sell a da beer, get a massage

Brush a you teeth, drink a the tea, clean you ears, take a big pee

Listen to sport, tobacco to burn, talk politics, gossip to learn

Trim ear hair, bottle to pass, trim fingernails, wipe a you ass

Trim a the beard, give you shave, in a my shop, don’t have to behave

Whatever you want, Luigi try, kiss a you wife, tell her bye bye 

You come a my shop, I cut you mop, I shave a you face, your bet I’ll sure place

You want a whiskey, you feel a frisky

Wanna some ass, I make come to pass! 

 Luigi! Luigi! Anything you want, you can get HERE! 

 PULL UP A CHAIR! WASSA YOU NAME? COME ON INNA MY SHOP!

 

 Soon their barbershop has a large growing clientele

March of the patrons

 

Chorus - The barbershop, our safe haven 

 

We play poker all of the day

Luigi covers us, knows what to say

We give him a cut it's only fair

Gives us a discount to cut our hair

 

Put a few slot machines in the back

Other ways to gamble, that's a fact

Two billiard tables, punch boards too

We lose all our money when we're through

 

The barbershop, our safe haven

From our wives and all our chores to do

Luigi is the perfect maven

Without his games, we'd all be blue

 

When wives get real pushy and demand

We come right home with hat in hand

Luigi goes and knows what to say

So we can relax, and just stay

 

Sometimes it takes a little time

For wives to buy his phony line

When he comes back while we still play

He says, "Luigi feex! Ees Okay! "

 

The barbershop, our safe haven

From our wives and all our chores to do

Luigi is the perfect maven

Without his games, we'd all be blue

 

And when we start feeling....well...frisky

Luigi helps in ways less risky

He's got a book that's filled with pictures

We can pick and get enraptured

 

He collects all the money from us

No problem, no effort, no fuss

Gives us the room number and key

So we can experience ecstasy

 

The barbershop, our safe haven

From our wives and all our chores to do

Luigi is the perfect maven

Without his games, we'd all be  blue

 

Marj at the hotel helps no maybes

She's in charge of all the...er...ladies

There's anything extra that we need

She gets it for us, yes sir indeed

 

She's the manager of the hotel...

If you want the truth, then we will tell

She's just in on Luigi's racket

With just hotel's pay, couldn't hack it

 

So Luigi creates employment

And provides us with so much pleasure

We all have a lot of contentment

With this Dago we sure do treasure

 

And rumors about all sure abound

From one end to the other of town

That Luigi's just a big crook!

And money from our wallets partook

 

We know them all, and they sure sound strange

He takes our money in fair exchange

For services rendered we sure like

Get rid of him, and we'll go on strike!

 

Chorus -
The barbershop, our safe haven...
Luigi -
"Come on a in, boys!"
Chorus -
From our wives and all our chores to do...
Luigi -
"No, you need a to relax, Si!"
Chorus -
Luigi is the perfect maven...
Luigi -
"You da perfect customers!"
Chorus -
And all of us truly thank you!...
Luigi -
"You a so... welcome! Have some whiskey! Ha! Ha!"

 

Three months goes by since the opening of the barbershop, and the two brothers are making lots of money.

Luigi's Waltz 

 

Luigi Aria - How Much Better Is It Gonna Get?
We make much money
With all the book takers
Marj at the hotel
Whores lots of money make

Poker all a nightlong
Crap game going out back
Da best we ever do
Make money by the stack!

Only been here 3 months
How better it gon get?
The cops don't give a shit
We make all we can get!

Brother Antonio
Women here unhappy!
Married women much more!
I go make them happy!

Husbands love like a PIG!
Take, take, take, do not stop
Women no satisfied
Then the sex they let drop

Show them nice attention
Show them like you in love
Love just like a young man
Give the man a hard shove!

These stooped hilly billys,
Will keep give us money
For all da sins they do
Their women call me honey!

We make money! Call me honey!
We bet ponies! Fleece the phonies!
Whores we use! We don refuse,
Any one who want to give us...
Their money!

See how long we can stay
Looks like it many days
Long as amore can last
We live here and no stray!

These stoopid hilly billys,
Will keep give us money
For all ad sins they do
Their women call me honey!

We cut hair! We always fair!
Take all a da bets! With no regrets!
We shine ad shoes! And serve da booze!
An we do never, never, never, never....
Refuse.....
Their Money! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Antonio - Mop The Floor Interlude

Aria - That's all well and good 

That's all well and good, dear brother

But you need to be so careful
The married women, they talk a talk!
To each other, they start trouble!

I like it here, is so very good
I got nice Paducah woman
she like a me, I like a her good
Like to stay as long as we can

End up the same goddam a way
Da men, day run us out a da town
We lucky to escape with our ass!
I already see men that do frown

I don't a know why you mixed up
With married women every where
So many pretty women no so
So lonely, lovely and fair!

We will one day not be so lucky!
They trap us, we den will pay the price!
With so many wives you have had
They will not treat us so very nice!

So I ask a you my dear brother
Consider the words dat I say
We cannot live like this forever
Have to stop dis business someday!

End up the same goddam a way
Da men, day run us out a da town
We lucky to escape with our ass!
I already see men that do frown

I don a know why you mixed up
With married women every where
So many pretty women no so
So lonely, lovely and fair!

We will one day not be so lucky!
They trap us, we den will pay the price!
With so many wives you have had
They will not treat us so very nice!

So I ask a you my dear brother
Consider the words dat I say
We cannot live like this forever
Have to stop dis business someday!