Mams Carter - Hanky Panky

Mams Carter flexes her boogie woogie muscles in this new song Hanky Panky. LIke most of her recordings, her son Amos Carter plays the double bass. Amos records for us here at Big And Tall Records, but has not had a recording for awhile. He's probably been busy working at Delmar Gentry's farm taking care of horses, and playing gigs with his own boogie-woogie band. Mother and son play together quite a bit, although she doesn't play many public gigs as she's not fond of public performance. She likes smaller, more intimate gatherings, and she's developed a fondness for recording.

There's a great big difference.
Between needing and wanting a man .
At this point in my life
I'd sure want one, if I can.
Once in a while, spend together,
Just being there to hang out
Companionship is what I'm after
Don't want to just lay about
 
Got some things I just can't abide
Smokin' makes the breath too stinky!
Without bein' fussy, just nice and clean
Just in case I want some hanky panky!
 
Don't want a man hangin' on me
Every hour of the day!
Don't want somebody that's so needy
That worships every word that I say!
Don't want Sir Walter Raleigh
Spreading out no damn drape
Over a sloppy mud puddle
Don't want no man that wears a cape!
 
Got some things I just can't abide
If they're mean in heart and spirit
If they love animals, a good sign
That sounds like you, let's hear it!
 
Sounds like I'm particular
Guess what...I sure am!
Don't want to waste any time
With a mopin',surly man
Everyone has their sad times
Not what I'm talkin' about
But some men are just crab assed
Ain't what I'm all about!
 
Got some things I just can't abide
A man that doesn't respect,
A woman as a human being
That doesn't deserve neglect!
 
So there ya go, my strict no-nos
Don't mind a bit of a paunch
But if you've got a big beer gut
I sure would give you a launch
Health as we age gets touchy,
We all surely have our ills.
I got my share, but can still get around
AS long as I take all my pills!
 
Got some things I just can't abide
Smokin' makes the breath too stinky!
Without bein' fussy, just nice and clean
Just in case...
I want some...
 Hanky panky! 

The Unknown Singer - Meester Keemmel!

The third installment of a song by The Unknown Singer. Supposed to be The First Lady singing and belly-aching about Jimmy Kimmel's pot shots at her and The President. Of course we know it isn't, but then again we don't know who it is either! It's always delivered the same way - a plain brown envelope with a music CD in it with the name 'Melania' scrawled on it with lipstick! We've got a few mysteries here at Big And Tall Records, but there's always a name and address for an agent included somewhere so they can get paid! We could probably deep dive, spend the money and have someone find out for sure who it is, but as long as the song isn't subversive and it's good, we'll publish it! The Trumps won't like it, but that's the way it is! 

You think you so funny... BUT YOU NOT!...
You make lots money... lie 'bout da Donald and me...
So we take different thing to do!
We take you as dependent on income taxes!..
Oh...I forgets....we don’t pay any!
 
Going to keep on, Mister Kimmel! You going to pay piper
Don’t you tell America da Donald wear extra big diaper!
Don’t tell America I sit on the toilet on phone!
Keep goin' Mister Kimmel, and you fortune is gone!
 
You not truth tell public, you make up lies!
You keep make lots money, so tell you what we do!..
We get cabinet together, they kiss ass...
We call attorney big, then we gonna sue you!..
 
Going to keep on, Mister Kimmel! You give me hissy fits!
Don’t you tell America to see first ladies tits!
Don’t  tell America all got to do is google!
See my tits on interweb so that day can oogle!
 
Jimmy Kimmel,...Enough all ready, when you going to stop!
Don’t push you luck or we going to have to get tough!
We get leather collar of dog with big spikes
Then you only be able to say RUFF!
 
 Don’t you even think to mention Jeffrey Epstein!
Better think twice, before you get  so mean!
I was once a Slovakian gangster's moll!
They come in the night, take off both your balls!
 
Da Donald once tried to push me down  stairs
Time for Big Stanislav... my friend...to make him aware
Any thing happen to me, Slovak Mafia take action
And send da Donald to hospital in traction! (or worse!)
 
Going to keep on, Mister Kimmel! You going to pay piper
Don’t you tell America da Donald wear extra big diaper!
Don’t tell America I sit on the toilet on phone!
Keep goin' Mister Kimmel, and you fortune is gone!
 
Mister Disney, take him off air!
You not think it’s so fair!
Mister Disney, you make it your goal,
Kimmel is American big asshole!

Anybody want pictures of big tits after surgery?
Eh?
I sell twenty dollars each, 2 for thirty five!
Send money, we take Visa or Mastercard,
No personal checks, to White House,
In care of Big Tits!
Don’t worry
Post Office work for us
We get it!
 

Chuck Wagon Calhoun with Un Grupo de Mexicali - Tijuaner, Mexico!

Once we here at Big And Tall Records aren't surprised by what we get from our artists, we get a song like this one! We are still in the dark about who this Chuck Wagon Calhoun character is, but his songs are a hoot. Now, he's teamed up with our Mariachi artists Un Grupo de Mexicali in this bit of typical Calhoun tall tale telling. And that's all we know. Un Grupo gave us no clue, and of course Calhoun's lips are sealed about who he is. Un Grupo obviously struck up a good relationship with Calhoun as their part in this song is up to their usually high standards. But we don't know if Chuck Wagon went to Mexico, as Un Grupo have vowed to stay out of the U.S. due to the current political climate, or if Un Grupo were in the states unbeknownst. In any case, the song is up to both the artists standards!

HOLA!
This here's Chuck Wagon Calhoun!
Got a story to tell ye 'bout when I had to
Leave the great state of California
In a....well....right big hurry....
And what happened when I went south to
TIJUANER, MEXICO!
YEE HAW! YA'LL!
 
I rode like hell and made it,
Way down south of the border
And escape some situations
That were a right big disorder
Rode  in the town of Tijuaner and met
Me some real live bandeeters...
And bought them tequiler in the canteener,
That's where I seen the senioriter...
 
She were dancin',  playin' them clackity clack bits!
Dress ruffly, low cut and a showin' her tits!
Spinnin' and a clackin', with the hombres yakkin'
Dress raisin', showin' her under paints gave me fits!
 
One a them thar bandeeters, wearin' a bandelaro,
All raggedly dressed, an' wearin' a great big sombrero...
Noticed me makin' googly eyes and said to me  "Hey Meester!"
Jew like what jew see,  pay me, jew can have my seester!"...
 
She kept dancin' , clickin' them clackity clack bits
Dress ruffly, low cut and a showin' her tits!
Spinnin' and a winkin'  all the hombres drinkin'...
Dress raised  higher , drivin' me  out ma wits!
 
I fer shore fancied her, so I asked him how much it cost?
He said, "I like you, only 22 pesos and you  be boss!
Her name is Sally, take her to  back alley
Best young woman you ever come across!
 
She kept on dancin' ,  I gave him the money
He brought her back , she were callin' me honey
Her brother yelled and swore, she led me out the door
And the others began to laugh...what were so funny?
 
Went out to the  alley and she started kissin' on me
She were firm and young, and really a might pretty!
I was unawares, but then started seein' stars!
And then they was nothing else left to see...
 
Don't know how long it t'wer, I laid out in the sand
Face next to a cow turd, cactus near to  hand
Ma head full of bumps, ma skin covered in lumps
Staggered to ma feet, couldn't hardly stand
 
Finally some federales came ridin' out to help me,
Were 'bout daid, pain ma haid, eyes all red,
Helped me on a horse, gave me food and water
Tol' me "No vuelvas Americano PENDEJO!"
 
Took me a long time to git healed from that.
I vowed I'd swear off women!
Damn, all ma troubles seem to happen
When I git hooked up with one of 'em!
And I really did. ..Swear off 'em...
FER ' BOUT 2 DAYS!
HAHAHA!