Craic agus Ceol - The Cobbler

 Craic agus Ceol writes most of their own material, including this story song about a bachelor cobbler. It's good to follow along with the lyrics, as the singer has a pronounced Irish accent, which gives the song a feel of authenticity, but also makes it a little difficult to understand! 

There was a cobbler in the town of me birth 

An' when his workin' day was through, 

Would go over to the pub next door, 

An talk and have a whiskey or two. 

 

 Sometimes he drank a little more, 

Tell the publican 'I'm off to me bed' 

He staggered, left the tavern afoot. 

Met someone on the way he said: 

 

 Me name be Hannigan! Me shoe shop’s next door. 

Need good shoes pamper yer feet. 

I can tell they're right sore! 

Me shoes will be a treat fer yer feet! 

 

He worked long days, he did. 

But he always knew when to close the doors. 

He'd get dry mouth, a powerful thirst, 

Go across the street for some pours. 

 

 He always try to stop at just two. 

But by then it tasted mighty fine.

 So he stayed and had a few more, 

And out the door he would wind. 

(And he said) 

 

 Me name be Hannigan! Me shoe shop’s next door. 

Need good shoes to pamper yer feet. 

I can tell they're right sore! 

Me shoes will be a treat fer yer feet!! 

 

He be batchin' it fer many a year, 

Then a fine lady come into the shop. 

He measured her feet, talked to her lots. 

He thought of her later, and couldn't stop.

 

When he went to the pub he talked to the publican, 

Told him what happened that day. 

He didn't understand what was going on, 

He'd never in his life felt that way. 

 

Publican said, "Hannigan, you be so daft!" 

Don't ya know a true spark when it shows! 

Yer in love!" he said with a big laugh. 

"Now just see if it fades out, or grows!" 

 

So Hannigan kept makin' shoes all day, 

And to the pub he kept on a goin'. 

But he kept on thinkin' 'bout her, 

He knew his love was growin'. 

 

So when she come back in the shop, 

He had gave bright polish to her shoes, 

The way she said, "Thank you!" 

He figgered he had nothin' to lose!

 (He said) 

 

 “Ma'am, don’t wish to be a boor, 

But be an honor if you'd sup with me?"

 She blushed, looked down at the floor,

 And said "Why...yes. I’m certainly free!" 

 

 Now time keeps passin' as it does,

 Things differ while some things don’t. 

Hannigan still works in his shop, 

And forget to go to pub he won’t. 

 

 He closes the doors at an earlier time.

 In the pub has two whiskeys not more, 

He tips his hat to the smilin' publican, 

And then heads straight out the door. 

(And he says) 

 

Me name be Hannigan! Me shoe shop’s next door. 

Good shoes will sure improve yer life! 

I can tell they're right sore! 

But pardon me, I've got to get home...to me....sweet wife!

 

 

The Noir Players - The Witch Of New Orleans, A Waltz

 The Noir Players is new to Big And Tall Records, and the group is kind of hard to categorize. They're somewhat of a pickup group with artists joining for specific projects. The leader of the group is Thomas Fauren, a session musician who has a fine baritone voice (he's heard on this recording). 

Noir, the French Word for black, in their name for good reason, as most of their performances are dark in nature. Funeral marches, songs of evil entities, etc. This song, The Witch Of New Orleans plays on some of the superstitions of that area, and is more spooky Halloween type music than seriously dark. So the group has their campier side as well. It is in the form of a waltz, a tribute to western music traditions, for there has been many Dances Of Death over the years by many composers, such as Danse Macabre by Saint-Saëns and Totendanz by Liszt. 

 When the sky is festering with blackness, 

And your soul is rotting within. 

Then you need to bond with the darkness, 

And go to her den of sin! 

When your enemies have got the upper hand, 

and you don't know what to do. 

Take the bull by the horns, and make a stand,

 And come visit her satanic land! 

 

The witch of New Orleans 

casts spells while you wait! 

Nothing is as it seems, 

you will find out much too late!

 

 She's had many customers through the years, 

Each one its own peculiar case.

Some have dealt with a flood of tears, 

some with evil too dark to face. S

he's helped ev'ry one who's came, 

To stand up and face the fray. 

But none of them have ever been the same, 

She charges a fee hard to pay.... 

 

The witch of New Orleans 

will take special care of you! 

Her roots and berries, incantations, 

will make you a special brew! 

 

If you want her help, a word to the wise,

 her fee is very dear. 

She will merely change you into her guise, 

of a new and much stronger fear. 

For you see, she has a force behind her back, t

hat guides her ev'ry move. 

A figure that's powerful draped in black,

 and that gives her its full approve!

 

 The witch of New Orleans 

exchanges earthly extremity 

for what she's about to do, 

and condemns you....to a soulless....eternity.

 

 

Craic agus Ceol - Name o' Shay

The Irish group Craic agus Ceol (Fun and Music) comes forth with one of their original songs that is in very much the tradition of an Irish love song. 

She's a sweet and lovely lady, 

living down near Galway bay. 

She's a green eyed red haired beauty, 

Going by the name o' Shay. 

 

'Tis no secret that I love 'er, 

More than I can ever say.

 I close my eyes, and I can see her, 

My sweetheart name o' Shay. 

 

 I do not get to see her much, '

Tis my situation, ya see.

 I live a far piece away, 

Her Papa doesn't approve a me.... 

 

But I will wait patiently, 

Until I'm down that way, 

She'll sneak off and sit there waiting, 

On a bench near Galway bay.

 

 Her eyes are green like emeralds,

 her face is fair and thin. 

With hair that curls 'round her neck, 

So much goodness deep within. 

 

When I get there, I will ask her, 

If she'll follow me today.

 For her Papa doesn't approve of me, 

My sweetheart name o' Shay. 

 

 Will be so hard to go away, 

from all her family. 

But I think 'tis the only way, 

She can ever be with me. 

 

 Her Papa has been so open, 

In his chasing me away, 

So I'll steal her from them overnight, 

And leave Galway bay. 

 

I shall see her tonight, 

See if she wants a new life, 

I pray she goes with me hand in hand, 

To be.... my loving..... wife!

 

 

Percy McCoy - Dump Her!

 The latest from Percy McCoy, our resident rock a billy country artist! Were not sure on how old Percy is, but if we had to guess it's be in his late 30's, early 40's.  For being relatively so young he's had by all appearances a tumultuous personal life, especially in matters of the heart. He just got his 4th divorce, and in this song is telling s tale about one of his divorces. He took the advice of what appears to be a fortune teller way down South, and goes back home and ends the marriage.

Percy's song list covers all kinds of subjects. Probably at least some shreds of truth in them, but he is quite a story teller!

Years back I had things goin' on, 

that were a drivin' me outa my mind! 

A job that SUCKED a great big one, 

No happiness could I find! 

 

So I heard 'bout this lady down South, 

That maybe could help me out. 

So went down there, in the deep south,

 And see what 'tis all about..... 

 

Was a place all growed over and crusty, 

with a real ol' gal inside

that were dirty, smelly and musty, 

Dang, I wanted to run away and hide! 

 

She took one look at me, said,"I know what's been ailin' you! 

Yer marriage is in tatters, 

An' it's makin' you mighty blue. 

So I'm a gonna tell you what really matters!”

 

 “Dump the bitch! She ain't no good! 

Pitch her like a rotten 'tater! 

Divorce her you really should,

 Make it sooner, than later!” 

 

Well now, I was taken aback 

by her rapid blunt assessment. 

She ain't got lots a tact, 

But I sure got what she meant. 

 

“Don't matter she makes lots a money, 

Don't matter she's a really good fuck! 

Don't matter if it'll make you lonely, 

Dump her, it'll change yer luck” 

 

She didn't let me say nothin', 

She just kept jaw jackin' me. 

I wanted to explain somethin' 

But she kept on interruptin' me. 

 

 “Dump the bitch! She's a cheatin' witch!

 Toss her like a rotten egg, 

Do it now, now don't you flinch, 

Don't matter how much she begs!” 

 

 I took that ol' gals advice, 

and slipped her a hundred dollar bill. 

Went back home, didn't act nice, 

Told her that I had my fill! 

 

Told her get out, she started bawlin' 

Said that didn't matter none! 

Tol' her GET NOW, without no stallin', 

I knew I 'twernt the only one! 

 

She's been steppin' out I know, 

with one of my best friends, 

She ain't nothin' but a nasty ho'....... 

And it all needs to come to an end! 

 

 It turned right dirty and nasty, 

like I figgered that it would.

 Maybe I was bein' hasty,

 I was doin' what I knew I should! 

 

After I started proceedings 

I went to see my buddy, 

that were doin' all the sleep ins. 

(When I left his mouth was all bloody!) 

 

Lost a wife, what I thought were one a my crew, 

Needed to shape up and get rid of them both! 

Had to act on somethin' I already knew, 

Good advice from that ol' lady.....down south! 

Down south! 

DOWN SOUTH!

 

 

Craic agus Ceol - I'll Never Go Back To Sea

Craic agus Ceol (Fun and Music)

 The Irish Gaelic group Craic agus Ceol (which is Irish Gaelic meaning Fun And Music) is aptly named. One of our associates attended one of their shows, and he told us that by t he end of the night they had most of the audience clapping along with their music. Even though this song, I'll Never Go Back To Sea, doesn't have the brightest of lyrics, the group manages to instill in their performance a driving rhythm that makes it at least not so glum. 

The group is presently on tour, and have been playing to sold out crowds. They have a large repertoire of songs, most of them written by the group in different styles of Irish Gaelic folk music and such. The leader of the group is Angus McGrath, and our associate got a chance to talk to him, and he asked him about the controversy of authenticity that surrounds an other one of our artists, Bertrum Magnussen. Here is what he had to say.

I've heard a great deal of music all my life from these parts. Ireland, Scotland, England, on and on. What I've heard of the music Mr. Magnussen says is authentic, I can only say it sounds like it is, even with the few modern things that slip into it. So I pass on saying if it is or isn't authentic. But even if it is, to perform it exactly like it was during its time, way before sound recordings, is jn a very real sense not possible. There's very little written about performance practices at the time, and no matter how much study and research you put into it, you'll only be able to THINK you've given an authentic performance. But that misses the point. It's the music, and how to perform it in OUR time to reach the listener is the important task.  Our group is steeped in the traditions that have been passed down from one generation to another, so we understand the problems. I'll tell you, most of what we perform is our original work written in the style of the older music. We do play some old standard Irish folk songs as well, and we take it as a compliment when someone tells us that is a beautiful old song when it's one of ours. But we always acknowledge tat it is original with us too. We never try to pass off something we've written as a song from long ago!

We are going to try to get more recordings of the group before their tour is over and they head back to Ireland. We don't know how soon they'll be back, and we want to hear more!

I were a tar, for a long, long, time, 

Was told to go to sea when I was young, 

Had no use for people, no one, ya see, 

So hired on a whaler when I were young’un. 

 

 Swabbed the bilge, swabbed the deck, 

swabbed 'til I nearly broke me neck! 

Any filthy job, they saved 'em fer me, 

That was me first experience at sea! 

 

 Well all that muckin' 'bout never helped me none, 

To develop a love of me fellow man. 

The Cap'n of this ship was a mean old bastard, 

Took a rod and smacked me on the hand! 

 

Took a few years to get big enough for better jobs,

 And the Cap'n's abuse, finally stopped. 

He found out I was a right good hand, 

when I was old enough to skitter aloft.

 

 I had me a good set of eyes, 

Could see away, far off. 

So the Cap'n kept me up on the mast, 

Never spent much time not aloft. 

 

 I could see far off spray of a whale, 

I could see the rollin' blowin' storm. 

I grew to be a part of that salty ol' mast, 

Hugged it just like the thing were me Mom. 

 

 One day when I were busy lookin' 

A gust blew me off of me perch.

 Landed hard on the deck, broke lots a bones, 

It robbed me most all I was worth. 

 

 So I lost all me value to the Cap'n. 

Clean the head or nothin' he let me try. 

Begged and pleaded, but it never did work. 

And as it happened, neither did I 

 

So I had to go ashore forever.

 Quit all me life under sail. 

Never to smell the sweet sea air, 

Now me life has gone stale. 

 

So I whittle and carve me some scrimshaw, 

I can still do that with me broken back. 

Sell it when I can to any people I can, 

To the sea...I'll never....go back!

 

Sonny Hotchkins - No Slack

Sonny Hotchkins is an old blues man, and has heard all kinds of blues songs and laments in his life. His latest recording is one of these, and Sonny tells the story:

 I was on the road off and on playin' the juke joints and gin mills. One night this ol' dude come into a place I was playin' and asked to borrow my guitar, as he had a song to sing. I asked him where his was, and he gave me some long bawl baby story 'bout how his woman busted it over his head while they were havin' a disagreement that night. Usually don't let nobody manhandle my guitar, but I was curious what this ol' drunk had to say.  That's when I heard the song I play in this recording. He bitched 'bout his woman kickin' him out the house after he smacked her 'round. I'll tell ya, don't blame no woman for kickin' a guy to the curb what beats on her. Don't cotton to treatin' women or nobody else that way! Ain't got all the words exactly the way he sung 'em, but I come close. I 'member some of the licks he had too, and weave 'em into my own stuff. Only saw this guy but once. Probably came to a no good end, as he looked mighty rough that night.

A slice of a blues mans life as played and sung by Sonny Hotchkins.

My woman done throwed me out the house. 

Goddam, she throwed my ass out the house. 

Called me no good, drunken, stinkin' louse. 

 

She ain't much of a prize her self 

No, she ain't no damn prize her self. 

She got a fat ass, and stinkin' breath 

Sonny Hotchkins

 

What the hell she ‘spect me to do? 

What in the fuck she ‘spect me to do? 

Sleep on a park bench, get chilled through and through?

 

 Goddammit, I'm older than shit! 

You know, I'm just older than shit! 

To be out in this weather, I just ain't fit!

 

 Got just ‘nough to get me a jug, 

Cheap booze, but I can get me a jug, 

I gotta have somethin' to chug! 

 

 She'll be calmed down by then, I bet. 

She gets mad, calms down quick I bet! 

I'll give her some lovin' be all set! 

 

Ya know, it's my goddam house too! 

Who she think she is, my house too! 

Kick her ass out by the time I'm through! 

 

She ain't a good woman anyway. 

Got a shitty disposition anyway. 

Toss her out, tell her be on her way! 

 

She prolly did call the cops on me! 

Bitch done called the law on me! 

Only hit her but once, don't ya see? 

 

She deserve it, she's mean as hell! 

Goddammit, she's mean as hell!

 We ain't never got along too well! 

 

 I'll just sit here and drink my jug. 

It'll keep me warm, stuff in the jug. 

I'll snuggle up somewhere....snug as a bug....in a rug! 

 

 Fuck it!......Ain't goin' back. 

No way, I ain't goin' back! 

She don't never gimme no.....slack....

Milford Boil - Atomic Farts

Milford Boil

Our resident demon plagued artist is back with his latest excursion into disgusting workings of his body. This time he bemoans a case of excessive, odorous, flatulence. Or to put it more crudely, Atomic Farts. Milford has the uncanny knack of putting his personal experience and observation into song, and in this one he questions what could e the cause of his flatulence, something he ate? The broccoli, hard boiled eggs, pizza? Really, Milford? 

The music is hard driving, possibly representing the steady progress of intestinal gas careening through his bowels until it exits with a flourish. Milford has deemed it valuable to add appropriate sound effects to the music as well, some of which he supposedly are his real farts he recorded during the episode. The visual we have of the positions he had to get in to capture these rumblings for posterity are not pretty...

It started one night, early into the morning. 

A funny feeling in my gut woke me up. 

I lay there tossing and turning, 

And wondered what was going on, what was up? 

 

 I rolled over on my side, had an urge to lift my leg, 

I really don't know why. 

It was then that it started, rumblings coming forth, 

It stunk so bad it made me cry! 

 

 Atomic farts, coming out of me! 

What brought it on, was a mystery.

 Loud and raucous long lasting as well, 

and then....the horrid.....SMELL!!!!! 

 

Spent the rest of the night in a fitful sleep, 

Rolling, tossing turning, restless. 

Just as I would start to drift in slumber deep, 

It'd start again, terrible and relentless! 

 

Atomic farts, coming out of my ass! 

Toxic waves of putrid, musty gas! 

I tried to keep in my gut, try to inner hold, 

But the powerful fart came forth bold! 

 

I took some pepto doses, to try and control it, 

But the taste of it almost make me sick! 

Wished I could just get up and take a shit, 

Maybe get it out my system real quick. 

 

After an hour or so, I felt the urge, 

To go in a do a powerful purge. 

Would the farts stop when I get all cleaned out, 

Or would it only lead to a second bout?

 

 Sat down on the crapper, started to read a book. 

The farts were so strong, the commode shook! 

I felt the release of lots of fecality, 

And hoped it would lead to peace for me! 

 

But a half hour later it started again! 

The rumbling, twisting, asshole gaping, 

So nasty and smelly, it made my head spin! 

Was horrible! I really wasn't faking! 

 

WHAT CAUSED IT? 

WAS IT SOMETHING I ATE? 

THE BROCCOLI? 

HARD BOILED EGGS, 

PIZZA? WHAT?

Big Marv and The Hodads - Keep Lovin'

Big Marv and The Hodads

 Big Marv was at the recording session recently when Tugboat Jackson laid down his song 'Keep Lovin'', and he took a shine to it. Just shows how these music guys really are into their craft, because  Marv got his arrangement down, got his band together plus the two soloists, and laid his cover of the song down the next day! He invited Tugboat to the session, and Tugboat was grinning and tapping his foot the whole session! 

There's a solo for trombone in the middle that's played by Willis 'Lumpy' Hochstedder, a trombonist that Marv has been trying to get into the band, and after hearing him, we can understand why. The singer is Tommy McVellie, who's worked with Marv before, and his style seemed to be perfect for this song. 

You'll no doubt notice the changes made to the lyrics. Marv formed them to fit into his musical vision he had for the song. Tugboat had no problem with that, as his style and Marv's are quite different. But Tugboat's quite pleased, even honored that Big Marv was so taken with the song! 

I got a fine woman, yes indeed! 

Got a fine woman, yes indeed! 

 

Young folks, listen to what I say. 

Keep on lovin' and it won't go away! 

Things will change you can bet, 

But your needs'll still be met! 

 

When we're together, my heart is glad. 

When we're together, my heart is glad. T

urns me happy, from bein' so sad! 

 

Yeah, you lose some things when ya grow old. 

But you can still be happy, and be bold!

 Enjoy what ya'll can still do, 

Can still have fun when yer through! 

 

Still a spark to get us goin' 

Still a spark that gets us goin'

 Sure a lot better than bein' alone.

 

 Still make love from time to time, 

We just fill in the blanks with our mind, 

With lots of sweet talk, that's mighty fine. 

Hope ya'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout. 

 

Don't stop sweet talkin' her! 

Don't you stop sweet talkin' her! 

That'll help keep love goin' for sure. 

 

Treat her with love, and respect!

 Listen! You treat her with love, and respect! 

And your love will have no defect! 

 

Still make love from time to time, 

We just fill in the blanks with our mind, 

With lots of sweet talk, that's mighty fine. 

 Hope ya'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout 

 

Don't stop sweet talkin' her! 

Don't you stop sweet talkin' her!

 That'll help keep love goin' for sure. 

 

 Treat her with love, and respect! 

Listen! You treat her with love, and respect!

 And your love will have no defect! 

 

Ya know, we all grow old, or we don't. 

You bet, we all grow old, or we don't. 

If you don't keep goin'......you surely won't

 

 

 

Tugboat Jackson - Keep Lovin'

Tugboat Jackson

 Tugboat Jackson's latest song touches on aging, and how things in a relationship can change due to aging, but that people can make up for what is lost and continue to be in a loving relationship. He's backed up in this recording by Big Marv and The Hodads, and the group likes the song so much they are considering doing their own cover version! Tugboat plays straight up guitar soloing instead of his usual slide guitar, and displays some great solo work at towards the end of the song.

 I got a fine woman, yes indeed! 

Oh, I tell ya, got a fine woman, yes indeed! 

She's my sweetie, she's all I need 

 

You young folks, listen to what I say. 

Keep on lovin' and it won't go away! 

Things will change you can bet, 

but your needs'll still be met,

 Just keep on lovin' it won't go away! 

 

When we get together, my heart turns glad. 

Every time I see her, my heart gets glad. 

It feels real good to not be so damn sad! 

 

Yeah, you lose some things when ya grow old. 

But you can still be happy, be bold! 

Enjoy what ya'll can still do, 

still have fun when yer through, 

You can still be happy and bold. 

 

There's still a spark to get us goin' 

Better believe ,there's still a spark that gets us goin' 

Sure a lot better than bein' all alone. 

 

We still make love from time to time, 

We just fill in the blanks with our mind, 

With lots of sweet talk, that's mighty fine. 

Hope ya'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout. 

Keep on lovin' that's what it's all about. 

 

Don't stop sweet talkin' to her! 

Don't you stop sweet talkin' to her! 

That'll keep love goin' for sure. 

 

Treat her with love, and respect! 

Listen! You treat her with love, and respect! 

And your love will have no defect! 

 

Ya know, we all grow old, or we don't. 

You bet, we all grow old, or we don't.

 If you don't keep goin'......you surely won't.

 

 

Two Swedish Gentlemen - Lutefisk

Two Swedish Gentlemen

 Ollie and Sven make up the group 'Two Swedish Gentlemen', with Ollie being on the violin and Sven on the accordion. They usually are backed up by any local musicians when they do their tours of Minnesota, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. They play at Swedish heritage festivals and play Swedish folk music as well as more modern songs and their own compositions. 

Their original song, 'Lutefisk', is about a traditional preserved fish that has been dried, and reconstituted by soaking in lye. Yes, you read that right. Lye. Early Scandinavians didn't have many options to preserve food if villages weren't located near salt deposits. So they would dry the fish, and when ready to cook would soak it for a few days to make it edible, and if it were preserved with salt as well, to get rid of the excess salt. Lye would be put into the soaking fish to help make it easier to eat and would actually make the fish gelatinous, and then the fish would need to be soaked once again to remove as much lye as possible.

Only one person at Big And Tall Records has ever eaten it, and he compared the smell to a really decomposed fish and the taste to a really decomposed fish that had been wrapped in dirty socks. There's a great deal of variation in the flavor according to how long it is soaked and the cooking methods used. Many times it is cooked with a lot of spices and herbs to help lessen the strong flavor. Ollie and Sven reportedly love the stuff, and are always glad to sit down to a big plate of the fish! 

He is Ollie, yes he is, I am Sven, yes I am. 

We sing the song for you! 

About our traditional dish 

It's called Lutefisk! 

 

 Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

Puts hair on you chest, yo, yo! 

And lead in your pencil, uf, uf! 

 

We tell you what it is, is cod or other white fish. 

In old country they dry outside on racks, 

The cold dry air makes it hard like leather. 

Gets so hard you can use it to drive tacks! 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

Do not taste the best, yo, yo! 

But it makes you strong! uf, uf! 

 

So the fish is dry and hard like stone, 

And keep a long, long time. 

So when you want to eat it up, 

You have to make it soft over time! 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

The next step is amazing, yo, yo! 

And make it easy to chew! uf, uf! 

 

You first soak a piece of the board fish, 

In a few days in plain water. 

You have to change father ev'ry day, 

To get rid of the salt water. 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

If all you did was soak in water, yo, yo! 

It never get soft to eat!uf, uf! 

 

You put the fish in water, 

Then you add lye to it............. 

Ya, ya, you put lye in the water, 

Don' worry, just do it! 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

Ya, you soak in lye, yo, yo! 

It stink so bad it make you cry!uf, uf! 

 

 After soaking in lye for two days, 

Den you have to soak in plain water

 To get out as much stink of the lye, 

So it tastes more like it ought to! 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

Is good for you to eat! 

After soak, it looks like Jell-O dessert 

All wiggly and disgusting! uf, uf! 

 

Now is ready to cook, 

With lots of spice, potatoes, and butter 

Anything to make it look, 

And taste a whole lot better! 

 

Ya, Ya, the lutefisk 

It tastes like dirty toilet water! 

But eat it with the family at sup! 

And try to not throw it up!uf, uf! 

YEEE HA! YA, YA! 

UF DA! OYUST SPEL! 

KASTA UPP! YA! YA! 

OH! INGA! INGA!

Delmar Gentry - Clear Skies Of Flagstaff

Delmar Gentry

 Delmar Gentry's story of starting a new life continues, as he's sold his law firm to his associates. The deal included 5 company cars, the 20 year lease he had for his offices transferred to the new owners, and even the remainder of his lease to his luxury apartment in the city. Delmar is a very private man relating to his finances, but he has said that for most of the twenty years he was a corporate attorney, he saved the lion's share of his money, and with the help of a financial advisor invested it. It's only been within the last three years or so he went a little crazy with his living accommodations and things. He's said he gave it a try, just couldn't grow in that kind of an environment. 

His investments have done very, very well. So well that he can live quite well on the interest alone. He wanted to pay cash for the ranch, but his finance man told him to go ahead an buy it on loan, which would be better for him financially. So he's been negotiating with Doyle and Blanche Helmwood, and they came up with a deal that included them leasing out a parcel of land on the ranch for them to build a house on so they don't have to move into town. They said the only reason they needed to sell was that they couldn't take care of the place like they wanted to. Now they can stay in the country like they want to. Plus, Delmar got 6 horses thrown in the deal, two of them being Doyle and Blanche's, so they can still see their horses anytime they want to. 

Ranch hand Amos, and housekeeper and cook Marie have also agreed to stay. Amos said when they met with Delmar to negotiate salaries, it took about 5 minutes. Delmar had an offer written out for each of them which was better than they already had, which included all benefits! 

The name of the ranch is going to remain  the same: The Double UU Ranch. Doyle emphasized that it was to be two 'U's and not a 'W', as the 'U's represent horse shoes, as it was founded as a horse ranch. Delmar's not sure if he wants the ranch to get back into horse breeding or not, but there will always be horses there. Delmar's making improvements as he goes, and has devoted a section of the large ranch house to his own recording studio! In addition, his hand Amos is a pretty good guitarist, and Delmar is teaching him the double bass so Amos can sit in. Delmar overheard Marie singing while she was working, and was impressed with her voice, so there could possibly be some recordings with all of them participating!

Delmar's a little star struck, somewhat disbelieving that things worked out so well so fast. At Big And Tall Records we're honored to have him as our anchor artist, and look forward to hearing more of his work!

Got all the paperwork with sellin’ my law firm done. 

Did it through email, fax and the phone. 

Former partners of the firm now are as one, 

And the clear skies of Flagstaff are my home! 

 

It felt like the right thing to do, 

‘Specially now that it’s through.

 I’m a ranch owner at last, 

I’ll just forget about my past! 

 

All my tension’s gone away. 

The law can be a stressful pursuit. 

Never no complaints ‘bout the pay, 

But damn, I had to wear a suit! 

 

It felt like the right thing to do, ‘

Now under skies of wonderful blue, 

I’m a ranch owner at last, 

Can quit buzzin’ ‘round so fast. 

 

Talked the former owner to stay, 

They’ll rent a little piece of the ranch. 

Didn’t expect it to work out this way, 

With Doyle and his wife Blanche. 

 

Felt like the right thing to go down, 

’Stead of them movin’ to town. 

They can live out their days right here, 

Without any worries or fear. 

 

Amos the hand will stay too. 

Be a real asset to me. 

Housekeeper and cook Marie too. 

Feels like their all family. 

 

 Couldn’t have worked out better, 

None of ‘em waffled, muttered or stuttered. 

Go about their jobs like before, 

Got ev’rything I hoped for! 

 

Now to learn ‘bout the beasts. 

The horses that come with the place. 

Gonna be lots of fun to say the least. 

And I cain’t forget the dog the name of ‘Race’. 

 

Might be the owner and boss, 

But the place sure won’t run at a loss.

 I’ll sure ask the folks, if you please, 

To use all their expertise. 

 

Don’t quite know where to start. 

Just a little overwhelmin’. 

Which area is the important part? 

Just one of the thoughts I’m entertainin’.

 

 

 

Bertrum Magnussen - Tie Me To The Anchor

 Bertram Magnussen is somewhat of an enigma. He claims to be a folk song researcher, and in his searching he found this Sea Shanty written by an unknown sailor back in the days of old sailing ships.He claims to have a massive collection of folk song material that covers many different areas of the world besides the U.S. 

His comments about this song:

I found this song in a pile of old, yellowed papers and letters in an old village that was known for having many retired sailors living there, which is on the western coast of England. It was scrawled in a tortured script, probably by someone suffering from arthritis. All of the verses were there, along with a single music staff with the melody and some variants in the same shaky hand. In my performance, I've taken the liberty of embellishing the music in the traditional ways done back in the 19th century, and have also taken the liberty of singing it in a dialect of English found in the area, along with an element of an Irish Brogue.

Bertram Magnussen

The song tells the tale of a born misfit that ends up going to sea, and how he regrets growing too old to go out anymore. A good enough story with a good performance on guitar and voice by Mr. Magnussen. But there has been controversy about his research in comments made by other musicologists in the same area of study. The accusations include changing texts and music to suit his whim, all the way to the point of fabricating the entire history of a song he himself has written in the same style. We'll leave all of that to the experts. While we don't condone falsehoods and tampering with music written by someone else, we find this sea shanty quite intriguing!

Me father and mother were right honest folk, 

then they had me, a most dishonorable bloke! 

They used to go outside and look at the sky, 

Shake their fist, and beller, "Why God, oh Why?" 

 

Shiverin' ankles and bloomin' lumbago, 

Ruptured ass hole and an infected great toe. 

The question is asked by many as I, 

Why was I born on this earth but to die? 

 

 I was still a wee lad when I got me first jam.

 I prattled at meself and I escaped from the pram. 

Was gone fer 3 days, I saw Mum's face teary, black, 

But it got even worse when I was 3 days back! 

 

Ball bustin' bastards and infected eye, 

Broken left hand and a dark dreary sky. 

The question is asked by many like me, 

Is a man happy if he's not truly free? 

 

I reached me teen years and turned son of a bitch, 

Thought me dear mum had turned into a witch. 

Me old man was a turd head, dumber than hell, 

He kept gettin' dumber the best I could tell. 

 

 Wisdom ain't bound for the majority, 

It sure as yer asshole completely missed me.

 So I was but 16 and decided to sea, 

It meant freedom for a dumb fuck like me! 

 

I didn't see no one I knew for years 

They was all dirty tars, with hairy big ears! 

They was lookin' fer freedom, in their feeble mind, 

Now ya gotta watch out, they'll bugger yer behind! 

 

Goin' to sea ain't the bestest of life, 

No children no home, no darlin' sweet wife. 

Get some shore leave, try to get used to land, 

But it don't work out, so you sign up for a hand. 

 

 Goddam, I'm too old now to go out to sea, 

I'm a wonderin' what of life there is left for me. 

Would a rather died aboard ship, be put in a bag, 

An dumped in the drink, a meal for the sea hag! 

 

 Old and shriveled up, walk with a stoop 

Got all the symptoms of permanent croup, 

My cock worth nothin' but pissin' out of, 

I sure miss the sea, only thing that I love.

 

 Gonna take all my money savin's and rent, 

Biggest ship I can afford, spend ev'ry red cent. 

And take it out at night, out of port silent slip, 

And make it a voyage, my last ocean trip. 

 

Pay the Cap'n for his wages, and all the crew. 

And give them the orders, tell ya what they'll do. 

Tie me to the anchor, toss in the drink, 

And have them sing a shanty.....as I slowly sink!

Percy McCoy - Bungee Jumpin'

Percy McCoy continues in an experiential time in his life, this time being influenced by his friends to Bungee jump off of a high bridge that spans a gorge. There's not a single person at Big And Tall Records that has Bungee jumped, has an appointment to Bungee jump, or even has had the remotest thought of Bungee jumping! 

The modern 'sport' comes from a rite of passage for the natives of Pentecost Island in the country of Vanuatu. It's called Land Diving, and young men leap from high towers with vines tied around their ankles. They intentionally hit the ground, unlike the modern sport, and have made the correct calculations as to not make the contact lethal (however thy figure THAT!) Leave it to human beings, no matter what age of history or area of the world, there will always be some that devise things for people (especially men) to show their courage, or maybe just to get an adrenaline high.

Percy came through physically unharmed, although he had an issue with...um...his clothing. Why he gets so wrapped up in taking suggestions and dares from his friends is beyond us! 

My buddies talked me into tryin' it. 

My heart wasn't in it, wasn't buyin' it. 

But with nothin' else to do, I figgered why not? 

But man, I 'bout got all the snot 

and other stuff scared outa me! 

 

 Jest call me a goddam chump! 

 Really scared shit less of height,

 Bastards got me to bungee jump! 

'Bout fainted at the damned sight! 

 

All of them done it first before I did. 

My ego stopped me from refusin'. 

So I was next and I went and hid, 

But they found me for the abusin'. 

 

Jest call me a goddam fool! 

Ass holes got me to bungee jump! 

Seemed 'bout bein' really cruel. 

Seat a my pants was a sticky lump! 

 

They tied all the ropes and shit on me. 

Hope they knowed what they was doin'. 

I was payin' good money, wasn't free, 

To risk all the harm and bruisin'! 

 

Jest call me a bloomin' idiot! 

Jerks got me to bungee jump! 

Wait! I think I gotta go shit! 

Wasn't like jumpin' off a tree stump! 

 

The harness was all buckled up, 

They put a helmet on my head. 

Why they did I was real stumped, 

That's gonna stop me from bein' dead? 

 

 Goddam, this is fucked up! 

Bitches got me to bungee jump! 

Hope I got my health insurance paid up!

 Now it was time to take the jump! 

 

We was on a high long bridge, 

A deep gorge it was above, 

They told me to just fall off the ledge, 

But my buddies done give me a shove! 

 

 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

 

 It was a really long time to get down. 

Dirty fucks got me to bungee jump! 

My stomach didn't go with me down, 

Then I hit the end of the rope! 

 

 It snapped my ass back up in the air, 

As high as the ledge I got throwed off. 

My arms were a flyin' like my hair, 

I bounced and bounced and stayed aloft! 

 

Didn't find nothin' thrillin' 'bout it! 

My BUDDIES got me to bungee jump. 

What's thrillin' 'bout jeans full a shit!

 I finally quit pumpin'. 

 

They reeled my ass back up top, 

Like a dead fish on a fish pole,

 I landed on the ledge with a plop, 

Onto my back I was rolled. 

 

My buds all crowded 'round my corpse, 

The bastards that talked me into the jump, 

They tol' me you had real fun of course!

 Tried to get up, but fell on my rump. 

 

So the moral of this tale my friends, 

Be careful who ya have for yer blokes 

Don't let anyone talk ya into these things,

 Or yer balls may end up in yer throat! 

 

OH, I AIN'T GETTIN' MAD! I'M GETTIN' EVEN! 

WHICH ONE OF YOU ASS HOLES PAYIN' MY LAUNDRY BILL! 

GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!

 

 

 

Luigi Trasudante Sings 'A Little Bit' From 'The Barber Of Paducah'

 Another scene from the opera 'The Barber Of Paducah' by Travis V. McGonigle, the nonagenarian composer, who is working on restoring the opera after it has sat unperformed for over 70 years. The tenor Luigi Trasudante has been and continues to be the driving force behind the restoration. He's given his time, talent and money in getting musicians and a conductor for the recording sessions. 

The composer has changed some of the details and plot to help make the opera flow better. This aria is called 'A Little Bit', as Luigi relates what service the offer pays out the best for them. Setting the scene: Luigi and Sammy have had a confrontation, Luigi is worried Sammy is going to rouse up the town against him and that his philandering with all the women, especially the married ones, will all come home to roost. He urges Antonio, his brother, to get busy and pack up their essential tools in case they need to make a fast get away.

Hey Antonio! Wake you ass up! 

We don’t have time to sleep all day, 

We gotta be ready get things buttoned up, 

In case we gotta make a rapid getaway! 

Eh? I tell you why! 

 

We been here six a months, long time for us. 

These Paducah hilly billys are getting on to us! 

Since that goddam Sammy make a big a stink! 

Men will listen to him,have to be ready, I think, 

So I quit seeing any married ladies........I promise! 

Maybe things will calm a down 

Before all hell rains down on us, 

From the men a folk in town.

 But just in case, be ready to leave, 

Maybe we have to do it fast, 

I know that you will a grieve, 

Because you like it here, but… 

 

Pack up the tools, 

The clippers, combs and razors. 

We take what we can, 

leave the rest for the neighbors.

 All the chairs and heavy stuff, 

Can stay here, we’ve made much 

money from these country bumpkins, enough, 

We can afford to leave a much. 

 

Don’t make much on shaves, only a little a beet. 

If that’s all we earn, be better to close the doors! 

Only a little bit more on the haircuts, a little bit,

 But lots more on the whores! 

 

We might not have a much time to pack, 

The small things, we can stow away. 

Get ready for a rapid flight, 

We live to fight another day! 

 

We make money on machines called slots, 

Even after we pay ev'ryone off. 

We make more money on women called sluts 

Even after we pay ev'ryone off 

 

So we go to the next town, far enough away 

That no one heard of us at all, 

But not too far that from business we stray 

That our profits start to fall 

 

Everyone wanna make a money, 

Got a bills to pay, 

But on the road too much, 

Is not the right way! 

 

 Don’t make much on baths, only a little a bit.

 If that’s all we earn, be better to close the doors! 

Only a little bit more on the massage, a little bit, 

But lots a more on the whores! 

 

Here come some customers. You go into the storeroom in the back. 

They no see you there, You can start to pack! 

 

And I’ll take care of these idiotas….. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA! Welcome, gentleman! What can I do to you?