Bertrum Magnussen - Tie Me To The Anchor

 Bertram Magnussen is somewhat of an enigma. He claims to be a folk song researcher, and in his searching he found this Sea Shanty written by an unknown sailor back in the days of old sailing ships.He claims to have a massive collection of folk song material that covers many different areas of the world besides the U.S. 

His comments about this song:

I found this song in a pile of old, yellowed papers and letters in an old village that was known for having many retired sailors living there, which is on the western coast of England. It was scrawled in a tortured script, probably by someone suffering from arthritis. All of the verses were there, along with a single music staff with the melody and some variants in the same shaky hand. In my performance, I've taken the liberty of embellishing the music in the traditional ways done back in the 19th century, and have also taken the liberty of singing it in a dialect of English found in the area, along with an element of an Irish Brogue.

Bertram Magnussen

The song tells the tale of a born misfit that ends up going to sea, and how he regrets growing too old to go out anymore. A good enough story with a good performance on guitar and voice by Mr. Magnussen. But there has been controversy about his research in comments made by other musicologists in the same area of study. The accusations include changing texts and music to suit his whim, all the way to the point of fabricating the entire history of a song he himself has written in the same style. We'll leave all of that to the experts. While we don't condone falsehoods and tampering with music written by someone else, we find this sea shanty quite intriguing!

Me father and mother were right honest folk, 

then they had me, a most dishonorable bloke! 

They used to go outside and look at the sky, 

Shake their fist, and beller, "Why God, oh Why?" 

 

Shiverin' ankles and bloomin' lumbago, 

Ruptured ass hole and an infected great toe. 

The question is asked by many as I, 

Why was I born on this earth but to die? 

 

 I was still a wee lad when I got me first jam.

 I prattled at meself and I escaped from the pram. 

Was gone fer 3 days, I saw Mum's face teary, black, 

But it got even worse when I was 3 days back! 

 

Ball bustin' bastards and infected eye, 

Broken left hand and a dark dreary sky. 

The question is asked by many like me, 

Is a man happy if he's not truly free? 

 

I reached me teen years and turned son of a bitch, 

Thought me dear mum had turned into a witch. 

Me old man was a turd head, dumber than hell, 

He kept gettin' dumber the best I could tell. 

 

 Wisdom ain't bound for the majority, 

It sure as yer asshole completely missed me.

 So I was but 16 and decided to sea, 

It meant freedom for a dumb fuck like me! 

 

I didn't see no one I knew for years 

They was all dirty tars, with hairy big ears! 

They was lookin' fer freedom, in their feeble mind, 

Now ya gotta watch out, they'll bugger yer behind! 

 

Goin' to sea ain't the bestest of life, 

No children no home, no darlin' sweet wife. 

Get some shore leave, try to get used to land, 

But it don't work out, so you sign up for a hand. 

 

 Goddam, I'm too old now to go out to sea, 

I'm a wonderin' what of life there is left for me. 

Would a rather died aboard ship, be put in a bag, 

An dumped in the drink, a meal for the sea hag! 

 

 Old and shriveled up, walk with a stoop 

Got all the symptoms of permanent croup, 

My cock worth nothin' but pissin' out of, 

I sure miss the sea, only thing that I love.

 

 Gonna take all my money savin's and rent, 

Biggest ship I can afford, spend ev'ry red cent. 

And take it out at night, out of port silent slip, 

And make it a voyage, my last ocean trip. 

 

Pay the Cap'n for his wages, and all the crew. 

And give them the orders, tell ya what they'll do. 

Tie me to the anchor, toss in the drink, 

And have them sing a shanty.....as I slowly sink!