Milford Boil Sings - Skid Marks

 The resident paranoid nut-case of Big And Tall Records strikes again! This time, the object of his maniacal rants are aimed at those pesky remnants that sometimes gets left in our underwear...skidmarks! Granted, it can be annoying and embarrassing, but that's what laundry's for. 

In any event, he goes to dramatic lengths to express his revulsion. What new 'problem' will he come up with next? No way, we're not even going to speculate! 

Milford Boil

Laundry day, I dread it, because of my fetid, dirty tightey whiteys, 

It’s only on certain places, like there’s been speed races, 

going on there. I’ve tried to not do it. 

But I cannot eschew it. To my dread and fear!

 

 Skid marks lurking right there, grossing out my underwear!

 Tearing my heart out every time! Like a little tiny burnouts, 

no matter how it turns out, it’s…..always the same.

 

 My friends say, what do you care anyway, you’re the only one that sees. 

They say we all do it sometime, our undies are never sublime to see. 

 I know their words mean well, but I’m still in this place of hell when I load them into the washer! 

 

Skid marks, taunting me, never will let me be

 secure got yellow marks in the front, brown ones in the rear, 

I live in continual dread and fear, cuz they never wash out!

 

 Scrub ‘em, soak ‘em, bleach ‘em, everything short of burn ‘em, 

and the traces remain. Perfectly good unders, ruined! Ruined!RUINED!!AAAAAAAAAH! 

 

My therapist asked me, “What is the purpose of wearing underwear?” 

I could not answer, it’s one of those things I’ve always done. 

“Underwear acts as a barrier between our outer clothing and our bodily functions,to a certain extent,’ he said ‘Things do happen, and underwear is our first defense for the possible shame and embarrassment of our bodily functions being brought out in public. Such is human nature.' But why do we have skid marks? I asked him. 'Because we’re human,' he said. Then there’s no hope, no hope, NO HOPE! 

 

Skid marks, taunting me, never will let me be secure, 

got yellow marks in the front, brown ones in the rear,

I live in continual dread and fear, cuz they never wash out! 

 

 Friends suggest I go commando, and although the thought is intriguing, 

The skid marks would not go, they’d take residence in my expensive blue jeans instead!

 And they wouldn’t wash out there either! AND JEANS ARE EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE THAN TIGHTEY WHITEYS,AND THE TIGHTEY WHITEYS AREN’T CHEAP! CHEAP! CHEEEEEAP!

 

Skid marks, taunting me, never will let me be secure, got yellow marks in the front, brown ones in the rear, I live in continual dread and fear, cuz they never wash out! Scrub ‘em, soak ‘em, bleach ‘em, everything short of burn ‘em,and the traces remain. Perfectly good unders, ruined! Ruined!RUINED!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!