Percy McCoy - Jerkin' My Gherkin

Percy McCoy

Well, what can we say? We at Big And Tall Records had it on good authority what to expect from Percy McCoy, and he's true to form with this new song. Strictly adult music (like all of his songs!) this relates how his evenings are being spent all alone, now that he's four times divorced. He spent some time with his friends getting into mischief, but it seems that he's reflecting on his life, and why his relationships all turn sour for one reason or the other. One of our associates that knows him well says that Percy is going through a lot of soul searching, and in the process is growing more lonely by the day. 

Chin up, Percy! Keep writing and performing your music! 

All by myself, lived 40 years, 

Truth be told, led many lives, 

Just gettin’ finances out of arrears, 

Cuz I’ve had myself 4 lovin’ wives! 

 

They’s all exes now, a damn good thing,

 One cheated on me, another a bitch, 

One of them was crazy, wanted to swing,

 One thought she married a man was rich! 

 

So I sit alone every single night, 

Watch TV, play music and read, 

Listen to the next door neighbors fight, 

And glad to know that it ain’t me!.... 

 

So I’m Jerkin’ my gherkin, pullin’ the pud, 

Dinkin’ the dolphin, shootin’ the crud. 

Only trouble is I’m formin’ blisters, 

On Rosie palm and her five sisters! 

Whuppin' the weasel, smackin' the stick, 

Pumpin' the puma, spankin' the monkey, 

Poundin' it 'til it throws up gets sick, 

With no woman, sure saves money! 

 

That's all well and good, as far as it goes. 

But I must admit, gets a little borin'. 

Ain't that much to take off yer clothes 

When there ain't a woman with ya lookin'. 

 

But I ain't ready for 'nother woman yet, 

Tryin' to do what I want with my life. 

Afraid to get even a girlfriend yet, 

She might turn into wife number 5! 

 

 So I sit alone with the shades drawn down, 

Let my imagination run free, 

Make it all romantic with the lights turned down, 

And then proceed to lovin' on me!... 

 

So I’m Chokin' the chicken, doin' myself,

 Git my dirty books all off the shelf, 

Turn on the TV, play me some porn, 

Try to not look so sad and forlorn.... 

 

Dance it around, makin' it stout, 

Waggin, and smackin' and bobbin' about, 

Try to get that feelin' that's good and funny, 

But down deep I miss havin' a honey! 

 

So I think to myself I need to find a partner, 

Then I scratch that idea right out of my head! 

Just back on my feet money wise for a starter, 

I'll just stay alone in my bed instead. 

 

I heard some guys can suck their own tally whacker! 

Goddam, I wouldn't do that if'n I could. I know where that things been!