Chuck Wagon Calhoun - In Flagrante Delicto

Chuck Wagon Calhoun seems to be making the rounds of towns (real or made up!) in the old west. Hislatest is based in Ogallala, Nebraska where he was, of all things, a barber! Ogallala is known for its past as a terminal for the Great Northern Railroad and the cattle drives from Texas to the railroad for transport to eastern stockyards. As with other cow towns, the town had its share of drinking, whoring, and general rowdiness as cowpokes who had been on the trail driving cattle relaxed when they reached their destination.

Ogallala is known for one of the largest aquifers in the world, the Ogallala Aquifer that supplies drinking water to a vast majority of inhabitants within its area, which comprises 8 states in The Great Plains. This aquifer has also been used for irrigation as well.

The title of  this song is Latin - In Flagrante Delicto - which roughly means getting caught doing an illegal and/or immoral act. Knowing Chuck Wagons' past, perhaps the term applies to many things that have happened to him! We here at Big And Tall Records can't wait to see where Chuck Wagon ends up next, and what trouble he gets into!

Howdy!
My name’s Chuck Wagon Calhoun
I got a story to tell ya ‘bout when
I  were a barber in the town of…
Ogallala  NEBRASKA!
YEE HAW, YA’LL!
 
Were down on my luck, hitched a ride to wherever
Ended up in Ogallala, couldn't find nothin’ better
Got a job in a fancy barbershop, sweepin’ up the floor
‘Twernt long, I got bored, wanted somethin’ more!
 
Learned how to cut hair from the barber that I worked
Trimmin’ hair, shavin’ chins, jumped right in didn’t shirk
Got to know all the gents in town, learned jest what they like
Earned extry money in tips which is what I shore like!
 
I even had a bag like a doctor, it were shore funny
I’d go to people’s houses to make me extry money
The men they’d relax in a dinin’ room chair
While I trimmed ‘em all up, even their nose hair!
 
 Learned how to cut hair, my boss taught me it all
Even give the young’uns a haircut while they sat and bawled
Had a standin’ order at the big shot Mayor’s house
To give him the works, with perfume give him a good douse!
 
One day I were summoned to the mayor’s place
Wasn’t the usual day but I went to save face
I were met at the door by his purty young wife
Yeah, for shore, best lookin’ woman  ever seen in my life!
 
She said, “Greetin’s and thank ye fer comin’ today
Mayor ain’t here, but I still hope that you can stay
Noticed you from afar, I need your steady hand
To trim away some hair from my promised land…”
 
She raised up her skirts and petticoats,
She weren't wearin' no under pants,
And ooh.....dang... I saw what she meant.
Ain’t never seen no hairier private parts
On a woman, and ain’t never trimmed one before!
But I got out my scissors, and started in…
 
Ya’ll can figger out what when on to transpire
The mayor’s wife was with passionate afire
I done my level best to start quenchin’ the flame
When the mayor walked in... and her face turned to shame!
 
Caught with my pants off in flagrante delicto
The mayor turned as red jest like ol’ Mephisto
And I dodged him as I sashayed out holdin’ my pants
While his wife laid on the table in a dead out trance!
 
Once again, cuz of a dang woman,
I had to make myself scarce!
'Tweren't no doubt in my mind the
Mayor would a shot my ass dead!
Ran like hell to the livery clutchin' my pants in my hand,
 Got my horse and rode out bare assed!
And the only regret I got ‘bout the whole dang affair…
I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED!