Pasquale Appassionato - The Pushcart Disaster

 

Big And Tall Records associates and agents have been busy investigating new talent, and they've found this operatic tenor! He's classically trained, and has a penchant to record off-beat songs, so he fits right in! Pasquale Appassionato is most likely a pseudonym, but we don't care. We look at the song and quality of the recording. An orchestra backs up the singer as he tells a tale of having a vegetable fight with his rival in 1920's New York Little Italy.

Picture in your mind a hot, steamy day in New York City in the 1920's. There are fruit and vegetable peddlers pushing their carts full of good to sell. Pasquale's cart is laden with all kinds of goods, it's been a good year in his garden. He has to sell as much as he can, as the items are dead-ripe and won't last much longer in the heat and humidity. He begins to shout his sales pitch over the other peddlers as he weaves his way through the crowds on the cobblestones of Mulberry Street. He hears his rival 'Big Mike' shouting, but Big Mike is shouting about how Pasquale's melons are bad, and other slurs. People hear, and quit buying anything from Pasquale. He tries lowering prices, but Big Mike has ruined his day. Now he'll have to take the loss from his produce spoiling! He gets close to Big Mike's cart, and Pasquale loses his temper, rams his cart into Big Mike's, and begins throwing his produce at Big Mike and anyone else that gets in the way! But there's one 'customer' that likes Pasquale's wares, and gives his approval!

My name is Pasquale Appassionato,
I grow the vegetable I grow la frutta
Cobblestones on Mulberry street are
baking like oven. Air is thick
Flies, they buzz...And a my produce...
 
My beautiful eggplant, they weep
 in the New York shade!
Bellissima zucchini,  they
sweat like my brow!
Tomato, she is ripe, Garlic she sigh.
La frutta, they get all slimy snotty!
I must push cart on the street
If nobody buys, my heart she
break like stale biscotti!
Mama mia... we are DOOMED!
 
Hey! Look-a here, look-a here, step right up!
Put a dime in my pocket, a pear in you cup!
I got a the garlic, the onion, the bean,
The finest tomato you ever have seen!
Hey, lady! Don’t walk, don't pass me by,
Buy a nice banana for your favorite guy!
Presto, andiamo, look at the price,
Buy it today it's allso nice!
 
But the sun is beating, the street is a mess,
 Pasquale is starting to feel the stress!
Down on the corner stands "Big Mike,"
Selling his cabbages off of a pike!
He yells to the crowd that my melons, they bad!
Making the people of Mulberry mad!
He steal  my business, taking my dime,
Ruining Pasquale's beautiful time!
 
My blood, she is boiling! My face, she is red!
I scream at Big Mike till I wake up the dead!
"You insult my fruit?! You insult my name?!"
I put on the brakes and I get in the game!
I pull back my handles, I line up the wheels,
Ignoring the women and all of their squeals—
I run at his stand like a runaway train,
CRASH! Go the carts in the alleyway lane!
 
"Basta! You no want? I give a it to you anyway!"
Flying tomato! Caught in the ear!
Splat on a the copper! Out  my way, dear!
Head of a lettuce goes spinning in flight,
Turning the corner into a fight!
Carrots so orange, nice and a sweet
I hope they make you slip, trip up you feet!
Cabbage for Big Mike! Hit in the nose!
Hit a him hard,  blood runs and flows!
Slimy and snotty, it's raining a peach,
Samples for everyone, samples for each!
 
You get a garlic! You get a bean!
Maddest banana you ever have seen!
Smash the pushcart! Break the stand!
Welcome to beautiful New York land!
 
...Eh. The horse, he like-a the carrot.