The Noir Players - Vampire Cantata- A Noir Vampire Drama, With A Twist!

 

The Noir Players Orchestra repertoire is of a serious  nature most of the time, albeit their subject matter can be campy, even tongue in cheek. This new recording, Vampire Cantata- A Noir Vampire Drama, With A Twist! goes beyond campy! It starts out with a thunderclap, and a frantic soprano voice telling of her impending doom by a vampire. The vampire sings how she is correct in her wailing of impending doom. Just as he moves closer, in for the kill - we hear a jolting record scratch!

The voice of the vampire then complains about the 'cheapo' radio stations he's working at, and about the announcer being a sleep in the vampire's coffin! So not only does the vampire have to adjust the sound and write his own script, now he has to do the commercial break as well! He proceeds with commercial for McClusky's blood bank, gives directions how to get there, and says they will give you a cookie and orange juice after you are finished with the donation! Then the drama continues.

The soprano re-enters with more lamenting, the vampire is close to her getting ready to make his move. As the action speeds to the big finish, the music suddenly stops and a microphone drop is heard! A normal female speaks and tells how they need to take their act to a different station! Joe (the vampire) agrees! They stomp out of the studio, slam the door, which leads to the rustling of bats wings flapping and the bats chirping as a wolf howls in the background...

So the twist of the tale is that the beginning drama is but a deception as the video is a comedy! 

Soprano
The fog is thick... the candles bleed!
Oh, heavens, save me from this night!
The elders words I did not heed...
I’m trapped within his shadow’s might!
I feel the shaking in my knees...
He comes! ... I hear his velvet drag on the floor!
Can no one help me...HELP ME PLEASE!
Help me! Someone lock the door!
 
Vampire
There is no lock
There is no key
You precious sun will never rise
Surrender now your breath to me
And look into my hungry eyes
Do not look back…do not look down
It is your blood I want to use
Your blood belongs to me and to my crown
So relax, my dear
You cannot refuse
My will is not to be denied
So bare your neck! You cannot refuse!
 
Commercial
Marvin?
Yo! Marvin!
*sigh*
Is the narrator sleeping in mine coffin again!
That's what I get for working in a cheapo radio station!
I have to adjust the sound!
I have to write mine own script!
Now…I...I...even have  to...to...to do the commercial break mineself?!
OY VAY!
How humiliating for a great talent such as I!
 
Oh well...someone has to do it if I want to get paid!
 
Say friends when was the last time you give blood…
Hmmm?
You know, blood is the life, Renfield....
Er…
Friends...
Take a trip down to McCluskeys blood bank.
Especially if you have type O....that's oh...
For ohhhh so delicious!
You need directions?
Is easy to find...
Take the first exit to Fang Road,
Make a left onto Mummy Boulevard,
Then a right on Platelet Avenue
But be careful!
You end up in the swamp, you took wrong
Turn on the Creature bypass,
And you end up giving all your blood
To the green eating machine!
Don’t do dat,
Too many humans give him gas!
Is not a good thing!
 
So donate a pint or two this Saturday!
They give you orange juice and
A cookie afterwards!
Tell them your friendly neighborhood
Vampire sent you!
Now...back to the drama!
 
Soprano
The fog is closing in so fast!
I hear his footsteps on the stair,
This hour is doomed to be my last!
A freezing chill is in the air!
Oh, heavens save me from this blight!
Can no one hear my final plea?!
I am so weak...I cannot fight!
I beseech you...don't do this to me!
 
Vampire
Ahahaha!
There is no place for you to hide!
Step out into the dark outside!
Your blood belongs to me, so please!
Look deep into the eyes of me!

Soprano
I feel the shaking in my knees!

Vampire
Yield up your soul unto my might!

Both together
TRAPPED WITHIN THIS ENDLESS NIGHT!
 
Soprano
Wait... *sigh*Listen, Joe,  I'm tired of this
Flea bitten, two-bit outfit!
We can take this vampire
Victim bit to another  station..!
Let's just get out a here!

Vampire (Joe)
Yeah.
Marvin's still
Asleep anyway
Let's go!