Milford Boil - Paper Cuts

 Yep. Paper cuts. Milford Boil continues to get creative over every day happenstances. Granted, paper cuts are a real annoyance, and for no bigger than they tend to be, surely get sore. Big And Tall Records likes to keep our fans informed, so if you ever wondered about paper cuts, a quick googling gives these results:

• Nerve endings: The fingertips have many pain receptors, making them more sensitive to touch and pain.  
• Serrated edges: Paper edges are jagged, similar to a saw, and can rip and tear skin. 
• Chemical irritation: Paper is treated with chemicals that can irritate the skin. 
• Exposed nerves: Paper cuts are usually shallow and don't bleed much, leaving nerves exposed. 
• Damaged tissues: Paper cuts can leave damaged tissues and neurons exposed. 
• Wound flexes: Using your hands can flex the wound open, disturbing the neurons.  

 While the subjects stay offbeat, the music is flowing more and more into heavy rock. But Milford can be just as unpredictable in his music style as in his subject matter. The song does reveal something we never knew; that Milford enjoys a good sense of job security because his father is his boss's boss. We knew Milford did some sort of research and that he's very good at what he does, but it sure doesn't hurt to have your Dad as the head man! 

We've got an office pool going as to what Milford's next subject will be. Nobody won the last pool, so the money rolls over into the new one. I'd share what subjects are in the pool, but we'd rather keep it a surprise.

I was sorting through some paperwork 

As I most always do. 

When I noticed a pain on the pad 

of my index finger! 

A stabbing, burning pain! 

What did I do? Snag a paperclip? 

Get hung up on a staple? Now what? 

That’s my main sorting finger! I’m disabled! 

I can’t finish what I was doing!…….. 

 

Cooler heads prevailed. 

I calmed down a little, examined my finger, 

Expected to see a bloody, mess….but NOTHING! 

Not a sign of blood! No sign of redness! What the hell? 

I inspected more closely…and found a…. PAPER CUT! 

 

Some might say it’s superficial 

Because there’s no blood. 

But the pain is not artificial! 

 

PAPER CUTS! a hazard of my job! 

They hurt and they burn, and then begin to throb! 

 

There’s a box of finger rubbers 

Off to the side, on top my table. 

Like the things used by lovers 

To make love without fear they're able. 

 Only these little condoms 

Give the fingers much protection

 From the irritating symptoms

 Of the skin /paper confrontation! 

 

 PAPER CUTS! a hazard of my job! 

They hurt and they burn, and then begin to throb! 

 

They come in many colors, 

To help prevent the stings, 

But I’ve got my druthers, 

About using the ugly things. 

They come smooth or rippled, 

Like the bigger ones do, 

Wavy, crazy dimples. 

Fluorescent colors too! 

 

PAPER CUTS! a hazard of my job! 

They hurt and they burn, and then begin to throb! 

 

 My boss here’s me crying, 

And comes running in my door. 

“Why do I keep buying 'em? 

Use them what they’re for!” 

“You’re doing this all the time,

 You’re not that big of a dumb ass! 

Or do I have to spend the dime 

And send you back to class!” 

But I hate to use them! 

I tell him to his face. 

“So you can just shove ‘em

 In your rear end place!”

 He gets mad, his face turns red, 

I know he wants to fire me. 

He turns around and leaves instead.

 My father’s his boss, you see! 

 

PAPER CUTS! a hazard of my profession! 

But to wear the finger things make me sick!

 For when I wear them in profusion,

 MY FINGERS LOOK LIKE LITTLE DICKS!

 HURT!!......BURN!! ................PAIN!!