Milford Boil - Hemorrhoids!

Milford Boil

 We were sitting around our conference table when this latest recording from Milford Boil came in. Someone offered up the thought that it would be a good thing if Milford's next offering would be of a more uplifting nature. The associate that champions Boil's artistry pish-poshed that idea as being very misunderstanding of Milford's take of the world. As we talked it over, we decided he was right. Milford Boil has been called our resident dramatic paranoid artist, and he will stay as that!

He has his own perspective on things. Always his subjects are of a highly personal nature that deal with
himself. Perhaps selfishly, perhaps on the verge of narcissism,  his declamation of his words are the point. His music itself only serves to emphasize personal feelings of the words. His songs to date have dealt with things most of us have had to deal with in our lives. That he is over dramatic adds to the richness of his experiences, and makes his all the more relevant. 

Some are looking forward to his next song, some are dreading the subject of it. What next? We will find out. Milford continues to live his life full of experiences just waiting to be brought forth in his music! 

I was in bed and I rolled on my back… DAMN! 

A pain…felt in my…ASS? 

 

Got up, thought I had to take a dump, 

Strained and grunted and groaned. 

Went to wipe after wards, all bloody, 

Oh man, OH MAN! IT MADE ME MOAN!!! 

 

 A pain in my asshole, 

Gave me a fit! 

A pain in my asshole, 

Every time I shit! 

 

 Started hurting more, a deep throbbing 

Especially upon wiping. 

What the hell was going on?

 Might sound like I’m hyping, 

 

But it was a pain in my asshole! Worse all the while! 

A real pain in my asshole! Did not make me smile! 

 

 Went out for Mexican food, 

Really liked the meal. 

Hot peppers and salsa, 

Later intense pain sealed the deal! 

 

 Something’s wrong with my asshole! 

I inspected myself, I’m not dumb! 

I felt around with my fingers, 

Felt like something hanging out my ass…like a thumb! 

 

Hard and swollen, Sensitive as hell. 

Each time I touched it, It made me really YELL! OWWWW!! 

 

So I went to the doctor, 

After about two weeks.

I took off my clothes, 

Doctor told me spread my cheeks… 

 

 A damned hemorrhoid! 

And what made it worse! 

It was thrombosed and red, 

The treatment course, 

 

Was to lay on the table, left side, 

Treatment he told me real slow, 

As his nurse held my ass cheek spread, 

First thing is a shot right in the asshole! 

 

 HUH???? OH MY GOD!!!! THE PAIN….SO INTENSE!!

 He told me, It’s a blood clot, real simple. 

I’ll just nick it with a knife, 

SQUEEZE IT OUT LIKE A PIMPLE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! 

 

I woke up in the emergency room. 

Half a mile of gauze shoved up my ass. 

The surgery was successful, 

The clot was all passed. 

 

Nurses stood all around, 

I felt nauseous and woozy. 

Everything was spinning, 

Like a bad horror movie. 

 

A simple office procedure, they said. 

But you had a bad reaction. 

Screamed, passed out, bled all over! 

But the doctor took the proper action. 

 

Now I can’t sit down…my ass still hurts! 

My asshole will never be the same! 

I cringe at the thought of shitting! 

'Perfect asshole' will never be my name! 

 

WHY DO ALL THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

The Doctor told me later, that it could.....come back.....COME BACK!!.....COME BACKKKKKKKKK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!